“Make realistic goals”- 14 August 2011


Q. I am a student of 11th class studying bio- science. In past when I was in 9th class I gradually decreased my interest in studies and because of this my 10th standard marks were also not satisfactory. Actually I dream of becoming a successful model. I have gained a good height and I have confidence that if in future I try I can make my dream come true. But when I think of my future I get worried because of my parents thinking that will they allow me or not as I am from a very middle class and conserved family. My parents want me to become a doctor but I have my different thoughts regarding future. Thinking this all the time makes me distract from studies and as 11th and 12th is the crucial time for a student’s life I ought to have good marks to make my parents happy. Please help me madam regarding my problem!

Ans. It’s a good idea to become a model in future but you would still need to pursue your education in any case. Most people in the glamour world are qualified people with lot of talent. As you belong to a middle class family your parents may not approve of your choice of profession for three reasons, one is the life style and the reputation of the fashion world (you must have seen the movie ‘Fashion’); second is the struggle that goes into it with uncertain results; and the third being the vast amount of money that needs to be spent in the preparatory years. It is a huge investment in terms of not only money but many more things. If you do not have the support of parents it will become all the more difficult. You have to be a very strong person and a rebel to make it on your own! A better idea would be to get into a professional degree course of your choice and start participating in personality /beauty contests at college level or wherever they are organized in the city. If you have potential your confidence will grow and then you may be in a position to make better and wiser decisions. Right now focus on studies and get your basic education.


Q. I am an architect and recently completed my master in Architecture education. I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable especially when I come in contact with people of same field. I am also a polio patient and also a lecturer. But every time I felt lack of confidence in me. Please suggest me and as I read in newspaper that there are good personality development programmes and books available on them. I am also interested in personally meeting you. So please help me.

Ans. You should come and see me for a few sessions for personal improvement. However, with the level of qualification that you have and also that you are a lecturer should give you a high sense of self esteem. It is no mean achievement to complete masters in a tough subject. Your minor physical handicap should actually be a resolved issue at this stage of life. You have completed all obstacles of life and are a gainfully employed adult.


Q. I am attracted towards a colleague of mine and he is a nice fellow, always well behaved and an efficient person. But I think he is about to get engaged and married soon. I feel that we are suited to each other and I would like to propose him but how to do it is the problem. I do not have the guts and do not have friends I can trust in the office. So what should I do? This is bothering me as I feel I will lose him if he gets married.

Ans. This is a tricky situation! A good option would be if you have a brother who is old enough to whom you could confide your feelings? If not a real brother, may be a brotherly male friend who could help you out. He could make a serious proposal to the colleague in question on your behalf and get things rolling. I am not sure how he will react if you approach him directly in the office or outside the office. Men generally do not take female initiatives very favourably. They generally get put off and create a negative impression about her. A male member approaching him would be the best option. Otherwise let him go! He may not be for you!

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