“Damage control should be as early as possible”- 21 August 2011


Q. I am a student of class 12th and have taken CBSE as my board. Till 10th I was a top ranker in my school. Had I studied in 11th, I know I would have scored great marks because after negligible studies I passed fairly so I am confident that once I start studying I can achieve whatever I aspire. But the problem is that this confidence is turning into overconfidence. Moreover, I am losing my interest in studies. I look for reasons to bunk classes and school. I feel very distracted but it is not due to any personal reasons or teenage crushes. My mom is very supportive but these days she is dealing with her own office problems so I didn’t tell her. Please guide me on how I can divert my attention back to studies. I am feeling very low. Reply soon.

Ans. You can get back your sense of determination if you will it. Firstly, lift your bad moods and get positive in your thought process. Read good books and start exercising. Then build your motivation to do better in CBSE finals. Also set for yourself a short term goal in terms of marks in the finals and a long term goal of a career. I hope you have a career in mind and are working on it if it has an entrance exam? Most professional degree courses have entrance exams and students need to prepare for it from the 11th std itself. You do mention that at all. Once the goal is clear there is hardly any time to feel depressed and bored. So set a goal and motivate yourself and get going with a positive mind.


Q I am an engineer working in govt. sector and married 7 years back. I have a very beautiful wife with maximum common frequency. She too works in govt. sector. My problem is that I am too emotional and not getting proper decisions. My parents have kicked me out from home and we live at rented house.

Ans. You are lucky if you share a good rapport with your wife and both of you are gainfully employed. I would need more data on your exact problem to make a suggestion. But I can guess that you say that because of your emotional nature you have fought with your parents and they have asked you to separate out and live independently. One way to control emotional decisions is to postpone the reactions when you are in an emotional state of mind. Keep quiet and do not speak and do not think either. Just wait for the emotion to subside and once your mind calms down then think rationally about the situation. The decisions should be based on logic and reasoning and not emotions. You could apologise to your parents and make up. After all they love you and they are elder to you.


Q. My brother is two years younger than me but he failed many times and now he is still in 9th Std. I have noticed many negative things in him. He don`t know the way of talking to people. Everyone at home worries about him. He is the only son to my parents. We are 5 siblings. He is youngest. He always gives back answers ant never obeys or respects. He tells lies more than the truth. He doesn`t like to go to school and tuitions and sometimes steals money too. He don`t know what to say at which place. I feel very helpless. I lose my confidence by all this. He remains absent minded when asked something. We are worried about his career. He gets angry and irritated very soon. What can I do?

Ans. There are two areas of concern for your brother- one is that he is poor academically and two is that he is beginning to develop behaviour problems. Both these problems could be inter-related. Most times a child will have basic difficulties in reading, writing or learning (these are called learning difficulties) and since these difficulties are unattended by teachers or by parents they lead to behaviour problems due to failure and frustrations. Another reason could be that being the only male child among five siblings he is pampered and spoilt by your parents. This is now beginning to show up as he grows up into a big boy. Your brother can still be put on track with counselling and psychotherapy. We can evaluate and assess his levels of learning disorders and the extent of his behaviour problems and treat him. He can be fine with psychological help. The earlier you do this the better as it gets worse with time and age and also difficult to repair when the damage is more.

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