Q. I have failed in my first year college and now all hell has broken loose in my house. My parents curse me all day long and they are right for they spent huge amount of money in my tuition and my admission in a good college. I am from Jabalpur but study in another city. They are counting my hostel expenses also and telling me how much money they have spent on a dud like me. My father slapped me and my mother was about to too. I feel like leaving this damn course but then they will kill me I think. I think I have chosen the wrong course as my heart lies elsewhere. Killing myself seems the only option in life. They are asking me to study at home again for the same course and appear for the October exams as money is involved. I cannot do that Madam. Please guide me and inspire me to live well and convince my parents that I am a good person but don’t like the course and the college as well.
Ans. Failure is a traumatic experience especially when you have never failed before. The first time becomes a shocking experience for both you and your family. Instead of dissecting and analysing the reasons of failure with a cool and rational mind everyone seems to be screaming at you. This I can understand can be the first reaction to shock and distress. But after the initial reactions of shouting, screaming, cursing and hitting, your parents should sit down with you for an open-minded debate and assessment of your future course of study and action. Bull-dozing you into the same course of study might lead to a serious mistake. If you are able to seek an appointment at an appropriate time with your parents and bring in another relative (sensible and cool headed one) for the discussion, you might open up your heart and mind and tell them all the reasons for your failure. Acknowledge the mistakes you might have committed (such as not mentioning to them your difficulties in the course, avoiding the problem, making wrong choices if any) and such other things. Also tell them if pushed back into the same course you are likely to fail again and make the same mistake of spending more money on a lost cause. Then tell them your dreams and request them for another chance. Be doubly sure what you are going to choose is the best for you. Convince them as much as you can. Assert yourself boldly and bravely with them without getting aggressive and rude. Forget about suicide and dying- only cowards do that. Face life and love your parents -they will listen to you surely.
Q. I was cheated by my boy-friend and I caught him red-handed with another girl from the same college. He said it was just a passing thing but now I don’t know if I should trust him and be with him. I cannot forget the scene from my mind and it keeps repeating in my head. I lose sleep and wake up in the middle of night. I have started crying a lot and fighting at home. My parents don’t know about all this boy-friend and all. They also lecture me at home and tell me to behave well with family. I am the eldest in the large family and cannot share with anyone as all are small to me. My mother has no time for me and keeps busy with her career and friends. My father also has a business and comes home late. Nobody cares and I feel very lonely and sad. Is there a way out and what is that? Please help me madam as I am going mad.
Ans. This is a bad and sad experience to be betrayed by your boy-friend. Once he has betrayed you, he is likely to do it again, however much he promises to be good. When people try to be good for the sake of the ‘other’, it is not his true nature, for he is only trying to pacify you to keep your friendship. The best is to leave him and if that is difficult for you to do so immediately, you can take time to cool off gradually and leave him. Make friends with girls and enjoy with them. College life is to be enjoyed in healthy ways and not to complicate it with affairs. If the affair is a source of distress and trauma instead of being an inspiration it needs to expire. Get involved in studies and make a good career and enjoy some good hobbies. Lead a full and happy life without a boy-friend! You can do it. Life has much to offer than boys and their betrayals!