“Managing heart-breaks” 12 May 2024

Sumedha Rajput 

Q. Me and my BF were in relationship for 6 years. He went to Mumbai for modelling. Suddenly I’m noticing change in his behavior. He removed me from his followers List. He Is uploading updates with his female coworker. My messages, comments are not responded and ignored. If he hates me why didn’t he block me -why this behavior? Please help me understand.

Ans. We can only conjecture and throw up possible explanations of his changed behavior. We do not know for sure what he has in his mind until he tells you about it honestly. My guess is that he is no longer interested in you and does not want to continue with you and has hence removed you and ignores your messages. He has found new female coworkers and friends and is happy with them apparently. He does not hate you for sure and does not want to block you right away. He might do that if you become a sort of ‘headache’ for him so to say. If he wants your company, he will contact you and explain everything. For the moment you seem to have ‘lost’ his friendship and relationship. It is very sad but that is the truth. Accept it and move on. Make lots of friends with girls and have fun. Enjoy your time being with people. Do not stay alone and brood. Have a holiday and be outdoors. Be with nature. Play sports, exercise, sing and join dance classes. Do anything but brood. Do not cry, life is large and beautiful.  


Q. I have a friend who needs help. She was with a boy for about 8 months and now the boy broke up with her saying his family has fixed his marriage with another girl already and he can’t go against their wish. However, my friend seems to be so emotionally involved in him that she has started having suicidal thoughts. She is uninterested in doing anything and every time I ask her to seek therapy, she refuses. A bigger problem is that her parents aren’t aware about this. I’m scared that she might land into trouble if things don’t change. Please help me.

Ans. Yes, these emotional heart-breaks can be difficult to manage sometimes. We do not know if the boy had made any commitment to her about marriage or not. Nevertheless, she appears to have got serious about him and hence feels upset. He may be wanting to break away from her and this might be the way. Or alternately, he may be getting serious about her too and hence decided to move away before it was too late for him! He might know his family is traditional and will not accept his choice, hence he makes a story. Whatever may be the case, no use breaking your heart over such fellows, and saying quits is best. Nobody should die of suicide due to such breakups- it is not worth it! Life is beautiful and is to be lived on ones’ own terms. As a good friend try to keep in touch with her as much as you can and cheer her up. Get her involved in happy engagements and hobbies and be with her. Coax her to come for a session.

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