XYZ (via email)
Q. I am a 21 year young girl. All though my academic career I have always been the topper. My life has always been good and I got everything I wanted. I have lots of friends both boys and girls and no prince charming yet in my life. I have a very strong determination not to marry whole life. I know I’m too young to think of marriage but have this feeling since I was 13 or 14 years old. I am confident I can stay alone whole life and will be able to convince my parents also. My problem is I don’t know if I’m thinking abnormally. Is it that essential to marry in life. Please guide me. I don’t want to take a wrong step.
Ans. There is no abnormal thinking about not wanting to marry. There are lots of people who are single by choice or otherwise by circumstance. There are people who do not feel prepared for marital life and that is fine. For better understanding of yourself you could try to analyse why you are the way you are or why you feel the way you feel. It could be a good exercise for self awareness and self growth. It is not essential to get married but marriage is an age old institution that takes care of the fulfillment of many human needs and living alone is a life style most find daunting. Hence people get into the security of marriage. Since you are only 21 years of age you could relax for several years and if you change your mind along the way you could go ahead and plunge into matrimony!
Anonymous (via email)
Q. I am in love with a guy who is my senior. He also loves me a lot. But problem is that I don’t want to do love marriage so I told him to get married. So he is getting married soon and now I am unable to forget him and feel I can’t live without him. So due to all this I am very nervous and depressed. Please help me I want to get rid of all this.
Ans. If you are serious about marrying him now, you should make an attempt at sending him a message about your feelings and change of heart about him through a friend. Wait for his reaction for if he also still feels the same way about you he may take a step forward. Then things could move in favour of you. If he decides to go ahead with his arranged marriage plans then you would have lost him forever. But you should make a serious attempt at approaching him with your feelings. You may be lucky you never know!
It might be a happy ending for both of you.
ABC (via email)
Q. I am 22 year old girl, in love with a boy (24years) from past 7years. We have spent 2 years of quality time with each other knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, after which our families came to know about us and they forced us not to meet each other. One day he told me that we should put an end to our relationship and he stopped talking to me. Later I too decided to give up the relationship but I wasn’t happy. Whenever I saw him by chance I felt that he to loves me despite of what had happened. Then one day he told me that his parents have seen a girl for him which is why he is not supposed to talk with me. Problem is that I still love him very much and he to loves me too. The most important thing is that we both want our parents to understand our situation and be with us in our decision. I tried to sort the matter according my way which didn’t work but I realized that all are good people and nobody wants to hurt and harm anybody though both the families are not in talking terms with each other. Please give me a professional help so that all of us may unite for the good.
Ans. This is a very typical and difficult situation in our country. You must make an attempt to understand the reasons for which your parents oppose the match. There may be good reasons for that. If the reasons are not based on good grounds according to you then both of you may take your own decision as both of you are adults and matured enough to face life and its consequences.
Published in The Hitavada Emotions Column – May 16 2010