“Marriage is not a cure for all ills”-11 December 2011


Q. My sister is 36 years old and has completed B.Com.  She is not married yet. My father brings many prospect relating to bridegroom but she have attitude of seeing negativity in all those prospect because of this until now she is unmarried.  She doesn’t care for herself or family. Father is retired age of 70+, mother is house wife. I have account profession. She is very hot tempered often quarrel with family member & neighbours, also emotionally blackmailing family members, such as not helping in kitchen activity, spend in empty stomach, going outside without any informing family members, beating herself or family member etc. If anyone outside our family advice her she doesn’t take their advice. Once
we have taken psychological treatment for her but there is no change in
her behaviour. You are highly requested to advice us how to cope up with this problem &
deal with her.

Ans. Your sister may have a psychological problem which is undetected so far. Her behaviour, as you describe it, is not very normal for a 36 year old lady. She could be helped with psychotherapy and counselling. Please do consult a psychologist with her or without her if she refuses to do so. We would need more details to know the nature of the problem and then decide the course of treatment. Just marrying her off will not solve the problem. You need the address the main issue before you think of marriage. Marriage does not cure all ills.


Q. I am a 10th std CBSE student with very high caliber.  I am saying this because I have many achievements till now. But since last year I am in relationship with a girl. Before telling you about the problem let me tell you something about that girl. She is a girl of metro type but in a small city. In 7th she was too friendly with a boy but was caught and scolded though she denies and says he was just a friend. Then in 8th she used to be in group of worst boys of class and sometimes physically close too. In 9th I made a face-book account and on this we became best friends and further in relationship. In starting only she told me she had crush on me and then also before me she accepted proposal of another boy. But now they are not in contact. Since last year I am trying to change her into decent girl. I am such a person who rarely talked with girls in life. So when I see her talking with other boys I suddenly feel my stomach growling. I feel uneasy and my mood remains that way rest of the time. So what should I do now- its having negative effects on my health too. I am growing old, my performance is getting low but she says she loves me and really tries to improve herself.
Please guide me.

Ans. It is difficult to change a person’s personality. You are very different from her and I wonder what attracts you to a girl of her type. You should look for someone similar to you in attitude and culture. Secondly, when you like a person the motive cannot be to change the person. That is the aim of a counsellor and not a lover. The primary aim of friendship should be fun and enjoyment and creative fulfilment and not counselling and helping a person to change or reform. This seems to be your need and you should do more introspection and correction of yourself. Leave her alone and let her do whatever she wants. She may only use you and you might end up being exploited in the relationship.


Q. I am an MBA 3rd semester student. Till school I was a very weak student. Then I went to Pune for my graduation (B.Com). While studying I have done job for a year. Everything was going good. After spending four years in Pune I had to come back to my native place and last year I have taken admission in MBA (Nagpur) and here also I have done jobs in various reputed companies but I didn’t find anyone professional. Now I am not happy with all this. Now I want to prepare for (PSI). It will take at least three years. Should I take this decision?
I would be very thankful if you provide me some help.
Ans. I have not understood your question. What is the full form of PSI? What do you mean by ‘you did not find anyone professional’? What I can understand is that you are not happy with your career and the type of jobs that you have done. You need to come for career counselling and guidance where we could help you arrive at the best option for you. Choosing a career is a difficult proposition and needs lots of thought and exploration. Just switching over to another degree may not solve your problem. Degrees are only a means to reach the end. You must know your goal first and then decide the degree.

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