“Motivate him for treatment”- 4 March 2012

A.P

Q. My husband drinks a lot and lately it has increased. He often comes home drunk and shouts. Children run away and get scared of him. My daughter cries in her sleep and does not sleep without me. He lost his job and had accident too, he fell from the scooter and his friends brought him home. They drink with him and he pays money to all friends. They do not tell me anything and say he is a good man. He is a good man madam but what to do with his drinking? Please advise me.

Ans. Alcoholism is an addictive disease and needs to be treated systematically. He seems to have progressed to a higher level of addiction as he appears be losing control of his senses as he has lost his job and is having accidents too. As the disease progresses the person becomes less functional in life and becomes a loser in all areas of life, be it job, friends, family, etc. His friends will desert him once he finishes all his money and stops spending on their drinks. Consult a de-addiction centre, a psychiatrist and a psychologist too. Take care of your children and explain to them that father is ill and needs treatment. You might give him a chance to improve and seek proper treatment otherwise inform him that you are ready to leave the marriage and live separately with your children. That might motivate him to get better.

A friend.

Q. My friend has a problem. He is not loved at home as his mother died in a fire some years ago. People say it was an accident but he has doubt in his mind. His father is a good father but he is having an affair with a woman who lives in the same town. He cries a lot and is losing interest in studies. He is in 9 Std and is going down in studies. He is not interested in future and talks of dying many times. I am scared for him- he may not do something to his life. Please advise madam.

Ans. Please contact some elderly relative of the boy, may be an aunt or uncle or a grandparent and inform them about his state of mind. Tell them that he needs counselling and psychological treatment as he talks of death and suicide many times. Also inform them that he is losing interest in studies and keeps crying. He may be shifted to a relative’s house for whom he has trust and has affection for. If this is not possible then you could meet the Principal of the school and inform him about his state of mind. Like a good friend you might be able to save the life of a friend and a young boy.

Mangesh

Q. I love a girl from my school who studies in a lower class than me. She is very cute and a very nice girl. She is a good student and also good in sports. I met her there on the sports field and liked the way she is friendly with many people and keeps chatting away. I am a very shy boy and cannot talk to others easily. How should I tell her my feelings? She does not know my feelings for her. Please advise me.

Ans. It would be better not to tell her anything right now if she has no idea about your liking for her. She may get into a shock and say no to you. She may feel very upset with the sudden surprise. First make friends with her on the sports field or anywhere else you may meet her. Get into her friend circle and be happy there. Still do not talk about your feelings. For a shy person like you, it will be better to be comfortable first before you talk of your emotions. Learn to talk about other impersonal things like sports and games, books, hobbies etc. Also learn to appreciate and pay compliments to her. That will make you happy and make her happy as well. Then focus on your studies and do well. Do not talk of your emotions still. Let her guess and wait for her reactions. You might get lucky one day.