Q. I am a student of 9th standard and am going through a bad period of my life. Since few years I am unable to concentrate in my studies. During exams when I sit to study my mind gets diverted to other useless things due to which I get distracted from studies and score very less marks. I think about things that are unimportant and useless. My parents are angry with me and shout at me all the time. They threaten to take me out of school and even threaten to marry me off. Please help me to get out of this.
Ans. This needs attention immediately. There might be a psychological disturbance that needs to be addressed. You could have developed some obsessive thoughts which interfere in studies. When you know they are useless and unimportant thoughts you should be able to control them. If you have tried your best and cannot do so even now, then you need to consult me soon. You have not mentioned your academic history- if you were a good student earlier your parents should understand that you have a problem and that you are not doing things on purpose. If you were poor in studies then they may think of drastic measures. But before they marry you off like they threaten they should get you treated first.
Q. I am suffering through a great dilemma. My parents think that I am a drug addict. I don’t know why they feel like that as I had never took any drug, cigarette or alcohol in my life yet. I had tried to explain them many times since I am an engineering student. I can’t concentrate on my studies. Please help me.
Ans. This could be solved easily- ask your parents to take you to a doctor and he will evaluate whether you are an addict or not. Instead of arguing and defending your position tell them to get you checked and verified. You could also consult me further with your parents so we could educate them about the addictions. If you are honest and clean then your parents have their own reasons for doubting you. Please ignore all this and focus on engineering which is a serious study. I hope you enjoy your course of study.
Q. I study in 10th std. I am very upset that my parents don’t allow me to talk with my friends who are boys. They give me long lectures on the bad effects of talking to boys and how this will destroy my career. I am a good student and get good marks. I am also serious about my career and these boys help me in studies. I have friends whom I trust a lot. I study in a coeducational school and I wonder why my parents have put me there. Somehow they don’t understand and curse me as they don’t believe me at all. Any little mistake I make they blame my friends and their company. They feel I am distracted and will fail in my boards. But I think this tension will make me fail.
Ans. It is nice to know that you are a good student and are serious about your career. I wonder why your parents have lost trust in you- did you do something to lose their trust in you? If you have repeated the same mistakes they might behave like this. It would be advisable to listen to them for the time being as you prepare for your board exams. It is certainly not wrong to talk to boys and maintain healthy relations with classmates. They perhaps may be noticing that you are getting friendlier than necessary which is distracting you from studies or they may be observing some emotional attachment to one particular boy.
Whatever it is it would be wise to give friendship a second priority to your boards. There is enough time for friends after studies. First things come first.
Published in The Hitavada Emotions Column – 24 Oct 2010