Q. I am a 1st year B.Tech student aged 19 years. Two years ago I developed a bad habit of thinking about bad things. After two years it became worse. Now I want to get rid of this habit as it is making me mentally and physically weak. My problem is I have overcome 75% of this habit still when I go to bed the thoughts bother my mind and I could not control it. Please suggest some measures to curb and stop this habit otherwise it will destroy my life. I am unable to control it at times. I have no girl friends as it is prohibited in Islam. Please help me and tell me what to do?
Ans. It is nice to know that you are trying to get rid of your bad habits and have almost succeeded. There are some reasons for the development of such habits. If you not able to get rid of it totally then you might consult a psychologist at some point of time. Meanwhile get involved in some rigorous physical games or sports or exercise which will uplift you mentally and physically. Also involve yourself in reading a book before sleeping which involves the mind in some creative way as well as relaxes the mind to improve the quality of sleep.
Q. My ex boyfriend and I had a relationship for 6 months. We met each other at my best friend’s birthday party. He is very attractive and handsome. At first glance I got attracted to him and it was me who took the initiative and proposed to him. We used to meet regularly. Then as our relationship progressed, he started showing his true colors. He was very temperamental, and if anything went against his wish he became restless and started to throw things around. Once he hit me because I was late. That day I made up my mind that I should leave him. He was acting like a freak and I couldn’t stand the way he was treating me. He too was then agreed that we should go our separate ways. Now I am dating another boy who is in my office. He is very nice and I like him very much. It has been 2 months I am seeing this guy. I have told my parents about him and they approved of him. But at one fine day suddenly my ex boyfriend showed up in my office and created scene in front of everyone, kneeling down brought roses and again proposing me in filmy style and started apologising to me. He said he is very sorry about whatever happened between us. He is still sending me SMS and calling me. I’m very confused, I still have a soft corner in my heart for him and feeling like am I again melting. I am not able to understand what shall I do? Should I forgive him? I now already have a perfect person in my life whom I eventually wanted to get married and on the other hand my ex is following me to forgive him to bring back me in his life, the person whom I loved from the bottom of my heart. I’m in dilemma am not able to decide. Please tell me what should I do now?
Ans. You should stick to your current boyfriend and forget the past one. He has a personality that is aggressive and violent and possessive as well. He indulges in dramatic behaviour to bring you back and once he has you with him he will go back to his old self. He is stuck with the limitations of his own personality which has plenty of unhealthy habits and traits and he is unlikely to change. So keep away and do not get carried away. You did the right thing by breaking it off earlier. That was a difficult but wise decision you made.
Q. I am a student of 1st year B.E. My results were not at all good in twelfth std. My parents are very disturbed with me as the college is not yet started and I am free at home. But they don’t let me go anywhere even when I read novel till midnight they make it a big issue. I can’t watch T.V, I have no friends at all. I am really very disturbed from their behaviour. The only thing they have for me is restrictions. They mock at my ideas, never de-motivate me but never motivate too. I just hate being at home. I think there is some problem with me. Am I getting any sort of mental disorder? I just want to live my life in my way. Please suggest me some way out of this problem
Ans. Long holidays are stressful. Organising your time in a fruitful way is a challenge. Discuss with your parents as to what all you could do to help in the house and/or join some short term relevant classes like computers, dancing etc. You must make friends too and go out with them. An all round development is important. You could open your new books and get familiar with them. Good time management will help you find time for everything in life. Talk to your parents about this- I am sure they will try to understand and will help you with suggestions.
Published in The Hitavada – 08 August 2010