“Overcome your emotional stress”- 4 September 2011

Bobby, Raipur

Q: I have been a good student throughout, often scoring nearly 90% marks in all my exams. This year, I will appear for my 12th exams and hope to do well for myself. I am working hard and very systematically. My teachers at school and tuition class feel strongly that I would be one of the shining lights from the school. Thus, I have no anxiety about exams as such. Yet, I am anxious about the career choice which I will have to make in a few months from now. Though I am a very good student, I do not want to choose careers such as medicine or engineering or IT. I am far better than average in languages and would love to pursue languages as part of my further studies so that I can try for careers in administrative services or even teaching. My family, however, is stoutly opposed to this thinking. They all want me to take up one these very careers that I loathe. What should I do?
A: You seem to be a clear-headed boy. It feels nice to know that you feel no anxiety about exams but are anxious about how to tackle the pressure from the family about the careers which you do not appreciate. The nest way for you in such a situation is to state once and for all that you would follow career of your own choice and would not accept any choice imposed upon you by anyone else. This does not mean you are insulting the elders in the family. At best, you are only insisting upon making your own choice. Since you are a proven good student, it would not be difficult for you to follow career of your own choice. You may have to work harder, but I am sure you are not afraid of hard work. When would assert, the elders in the family would realise how keen you are about your own choice. In that case, they would agree to let you have your way, initially grudgingly and later willingly. Thus, the key lies in your firmness. I wish you all the best in your effort.

Q: I am a college student of the second year of a graduate programme. I am pretty and intelligent as student. One of our teachers is a handsome young man teaching his subject with a sense of charming authority. He is always smiling and talks to all of us with a lot of interest. With me, too, he behaves well, giving me the impression that I am special to him. He is married and has a pretty wife whom I have happened to meet on a few occasions. Both of them love each other very much, which is so evident to all of us. Yet, I have begun developing special feelings for him. I realise, this is wrong in every way. Yet, I do not know how to get over this ticklish problem. I am afraid, if I continue getting unduly charmed by him, I will destroy myself. Please guide me how I should get past this one-sided tangle.
A: When you know you are wrong, then it should not be difficult for you to get over this emotional mess you have pushed yourself into. This ‘crush’ is certainly illogical and has all the destructive elements. Therefore, it is best to keep away from this whole thing. Of course, it is easier said than achieved. So, here are a few tips to get past this tangle. One, you may start skipping his lectures occasionally and collect notes from other students. Two, you may start avoiding direct communication with him unless when utterly necessary. Three, you will have to start disciplining your mind so that I becomes free of the infatuation you feel for him. This is a slow process, of course, but not impossible. Start weaning yourself away from him patiently and decidedly. I am sure, you would succeed soon.

Vanita X, Jabalpur
Q: I have a rather serious problem. I have been married for well over ten years and have one daughter. Outwardly, we have a happy family life. Inwardly, however, I am an unhappy young woman, in a strange way. I am a victim of domestic violence on a regular basis. My husband is a professional with a roaring practice. I work at a firm and have good salary and status in the society. Back home, however, things are pretty bad. I get the taste of domestic violence at least two or three times a month. This has led me to continued depression. My face has developed wrinkles and health is usually indifferent because of the stress. How do I get around this problem?
A: You really have a serious problem. Domestic violence is something that does not have an easy answer. For, when men get used to be violent, then there is nothing that can stop them, except of course when the woman decides to put a permanent stop to all the nonsense. Though divorce is not the right answer to such a problem, I would advise you to keep examining that option silently in your mind. You may discuss this issue with your parents and possibly a lawyer. If you have parents-in-law, you may discuss the problem with them as well. They may be of some help, and may be able to put good enough pressure jupon your husband to behave. Thankfully, you are economically independent. So, if things come to crunch, you will not feel handicapped on that count. As you examine the divorce option, you can let your husband know that you would not hesitate to take that step. But, when you say this, do not say it out of helplessness; say it out of a firm conviction that you would not take nonsense any more. This may act as an effective brake on your husband’s crude behaviour. I wish you all the best.

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