“Accept the reality fast”- 28 August 2011

H.G

Q. I am a student studying in 2nd year. I am in love with a guy who is in my class. We were best buddies in 1st year and then he proposed me. We were in relationship for the past 7 months- he used to love me a lot and everything was going well. Then one day I went to his home with all other friends of our group. That day his mother got a doubt that I am his girlfriend and she told him to breakup with me. She told him that we are not matured enough to get into relationship and that it is the time we should focus on our careers and said that there is no future to our relation as we don’t belong to same caste. We both are very good in studies and our relation never affected our studies. So as his mom said he broke up with me. He was my first love and it’s really very difficult to forget him. I am in the state of depression. I just want to forget him but he is in the same class and I have to be with him for the coming three years. I can’t face him every day in class. He said that he can be friends with me but can’t be in relation now. I try to behave normal but the old memories just spring up. I can’t stop loving him. Please tell me what to do?

Ans. This is really unfortunate. The sooner you get over it the better. If there is no future to the relationship, he has made it clear after his parents’ objection, it is wiser to withdraw from the friendship and heal your mind. You are a meritorious student and have a career ahead of you. Focus more on studies and make more friends so that you have a wide circle to rely on. You could stop talking to him totally if that helps you recover faster. If beings just friends help do that. But the second option generally does not work for many people. They find it difficult and impractical to stop their emotions. So a surgical cut is cleaner. Otherwise the wound never heals and keeps festering. Just ignore him and get out of his way wherever you can. That should work better. Anyway make a choice for yourself. But accept the fact as fast as possible.

D.M

Q. I have a problem of stammering since some years. Whenever I get nervous in front of big people or rich people I start stammering. Earlier I was a happy person. I cannot understand how this happened. Can I be helped and how? I have tried some things but no relief.

Ans. There is a strong psychological basis for stammering. If it is not a childhood problem then it is acquired and we can help you through counselling and training. Please come for a few sessions. You will feel the difference.

P.N

Q. I am in great trouble. My mind is confused. Sometimes I think I should commit suicide. I have troubled my family at all times. I always give them headache for this or that reason. I am not able to stick to one job and keep changing it every time. I get bored of it fast. Another fact which is eating my head is my feelings for my elder brother’s wife. She also likes me and I also like her. She comes and talks to me and we are friendly. But now all is wrong. Family is angry about the matter and there is lots of criticism from all. The relations have gone bad and all is angry. All because of me. What should I do? Am I a very bad person? Have I no right to live?

Ans. It is extremely unfortunate that your life seems topsy- turvy to you and nothing seems to be straight. It happens to some people that nothing in life seems to go smooth. Life is a double struggle for some and a relatively smooth ride for some. Everyone has a right to live well and make amends to the wrong doings. A sin is pardonable if you recognise it as a wrong. So forgive yourself for whatever has happened and reform yourself for future. As far as your job changes are concerned you may have to seriously chalk out a future course of action for progress in work. Another option is to come for counselling and career planning so that you have goals in life which will give you stability, maturity and happiness.