“People need to evolve mentally”
Q. I was married for 10 years and then filed for divorce due to bad behaviour of my wife which I could not pardon. I tried adjusting with her but she was not ready to reform her bad character and I was tired of her. We have one child whom she wants to keep and is staying with her. The divorce case is going on for more than two years and she is not willing to go for mutual consent. I am under great stress due to the delayed process and she does not agree with anything I say. She is taking ‘revenge’ on me and does not allow me to see the child even though I have the rights. I am deeply distressed about my life which is like at a standstill. What should I do? How should I think?
Ans. I have heard of many such stories similar to yours that are pending trial for years and the personal lives get disturbed in a big way. The family courts were established for speedy trial of divorce cases with the precise understanding of not subjecting the married partners to long delays and subsequent stress/ harassment due to the procedural delays. I recently heard a gentleman say that he appealed to the ‘high court’ to pass an order to the family court, for speedy judgement, which seemed to work in his favour. I am not competent enough to comment on legal procedures and the lawyers would know best how to get a decree fast. Meanwhile, please inform your lawyer about the refusal of wife to visit the child. As a father you have every right to meet and be with your child. Unfortunately, a spouse getting vindictive enough to deny divorce as a form of punishment to the other is pretty common and speaks of a ‘sick’ mind. Marriage is a legal contract between two adults and it provides for separation and divorce in case of breakdown of marriage. Marriages are no longer ‘made in heaven’ for in that case no divorce would be allowed by the law makers. But as society evolves over generations, so do the laws change and evolve and so do human beings who mature and grow. Unfortunately, some humans do not evolve into superior human beings and remain at the lower levels of evolution. They may even take pride at their stubbornness and sadism. So be it. You could move on with developing new friendship and partnership. That’s the only way for maintaining your sanity besides the other option of becoming a monk.
Q. My son suffered an attack of epilepsy in childhood and took medicines and was cured. After some years again he had a mild attack. Since he is now a school going child he became very disturbed and refuses to go to school. He is afraid of getting an attack again in school and starts crying. He is losing his confidence and sits at home. He is happy at home and does not want to go out. He does not want to go out and play too. What to do? Should I bring him for counselling? Please advise.
Ans. Yes, counselling him will help him regain his confidence that he is well and healthy. You could request his treating neuro-physician to talk to him a bit longer and assure him that he is fine and his medicines will keep him fit and that he should take part in all daily activities, such as, going to school, mixing with friends, playing routine games, laughing and enjoying his childhood. The other option is to bring him for a couple of sessions of counselling. We need to help him remove the fear, and restore his sense of well being and confidence that he can handle his own problems if they arise and be happy if they don’t. Teaching first-aid skills and other related life skills are important part of disease management. Just pep talk and lecturing may not work. I am sure he will get back to education and school soon but you need to act on it. Do not allow him to abstain for too long.