“Personality defects are difficult handle”- 18 May 2014


Q. As now few days before I’ve completed my 11th and now I will be going to 12th class. I study in junior college. And my principal is very good teacher. She is very close to me like a good friend I respect her a lot. She is the reason of my success. My college timings are from 12 noon to 6pm. And now as I have started my studies for 12th it becomes difficult for me to attend college. As now for this one year I have to study for my boards as well as entrance exams. It becomes difficult for me to manage time simultaneously for boards, tuitions, college, competitive classes, self study .etc. So I had no choice I had to quit my college. And after consulting principal her suggestion was don’t do PMT this year instead try it next year. But I think it’s just of no use wasting one year and try it for next year, why not study this year? So, I decided to leave this college and take admission in a college where there is no need to attend classes regularly. Now the problem is my favourite teacher who is also my principal doesn’t want that I leave her college. She is totally upset with me, she thinks that I had betrayed her and broken her trust. She is angry with me and I don’t want that our relation break. What reply should I give her so that she can understand my problem? I’m in totally tragic situation.
Ans. It is unfortunate that your teacher who is so good and respected by you is taking the matter of quitting the college by you in a personal sense. She may be sad to lose a good student but she should see your point of view and agree to let you go. She may not agree with your view point too but you have a right to decide and choose what is best for you. I would agree with your decision that you should not waste a year and should appear for your PMT the same year. Well, try to communicate to her your love and respect for her and that she should not take the issue to heart in a personal way. Go ahead with your decision.


Q. I am 21 years old girl doing my C.A. course and I am also in relation with a guy. He loves me a lot I think no one can love me as like him. After settle down we decide to marry. He is another caste that’s why my father is disagree this is future problem to solve. My problem is that the guy cares me a lot means I cannot tell you that he loves me a lot and I am also love him a lot but he cannot control over his high temper and sometimes he abuses me that’s why I feel insulted and I feel he does not respect me. I am ready to fight with my father for marry with him but now I am confused that he will respect me or not after marriage. My father is world’s best dad I don’t want to hurt him if I get spoil my life by marries that guy but I can’t live without him I cannot imagine my life without him, please help me.

Ans. He will certainly not respect you after marriage. Contrary to it he will dominate you more and most probably get violent too since before marriage he has started abusing you already. Men such as these have character defects and are violent by nature and cannot control themselves emotionally. They also have faulty belief systems where they believe that are right in doing whatever they are doing. They generally cannot see others point of view and justify themselves in their thought and action. Logic and reason does not help due to the flawed personality. I must appreciate your sense of wisdom in recognising this behaviour of his and seeking an opinion. Stay away from him at all costs.


Q. I am a teenager just appeared for SSC. I have been in a long distance relationship since one year with a girl she claims that I am her life partner and used to give first priority. I tried to make her understand the importance of study but she force me to chat with her even in exam period I focusing on my career only I score about 87%-92% but I think sometime if I let her go I may score more than that but whenever I think of it I feel guilty. She said me if I left her for any reason she will attempt suicide, we both are of same age. I don’t know I am actually afraid of her career, her family don’t allow her to chat and talk with her friends and boys. She says I am not able to believe her please help me!! Please help me by advising me to convince her!! She commits me that she’ll be with me forever but lack of trust.

Ans. You are right in wanting to focus on your studies and staying from her. Tell her you are breaking up but need space and relief to concentrate on studies. If she is blackmailing you then she has a personality defect and that needs to be understood. Blackmailers are dependent personalities and behave like parasites who do not allow you to breathe. They are demanding and obsessed about themselves and their needs. They lack the capacity to care for other persons in a mature way. You may not receive her calls and tell her you will talk to her after exams. Her parents and family will take care of her since she is their responsibility. You are not her guardian for the moment.



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