“Postpone emotions”- 27 November 2016.
Q. I am a girl studying in 12th. I am preparing for my NEET exam. Mam I am suffering from a lot of depression as I can’t study as per my expectations. I find difficulty in keeping my mind stable. I am not able to forget my past (hope you got it).I try to change my mind but can’t stay on it much…this disappoints me a lot. I am a kind of a dreamy person which makes it more difficult for me. Please help me Mam.
Ans. Human beings have infinite capacity to postpone their desires and focus on the task at hand. You must throw away your emotions for some time and concentrate only on career making. Do not try to forget the past- it does not happen like that at all. What you should do is to find specific time for your past memories. For example, take 30 minutes out daily at a specific time during the day and sit with either a diary or loose sheets of paper and scribble out your feelings and thoughts on it. That will clear your mind for the day at least and then focus on studies. If you have depression as you say, then you would need sessions of counselling for some time. It would help to know if you have the aptitude for medicine or not for that could be another source of anxiety and stress for you. Again an aptitude test will clear doubts about your capacity and your ambitions. There could be multiple reasons for your state of mind and it would be important to assess them.
Q. I am a 40 years-old woman. I work in an office and am independent. My husband is a big problem for me. He drinks and smokes and never maintains a job permanently. He is always changing jobs with some excuse or other. Basically he is a lazy fellow. When he comes home he does not want to work and does not help in the house. He keeps ordering me with this and that demand for eating good food. He does not even shop for vegetables and wants all in hand. His mother supports him as she thinks her son is right and I am wrong. I have one child who understands everything and gets angry with father. My husband blames me for making my son go against his father. It is not true madam. His behaviour is not good and I am fed up. My parents keep encouraging me to adjust and stay with him. I wish I can run away.
Ans. This is a very difficult situation for you. We sympathise with your condition. This is not an ideal family situation for you and naturally stressful. Have you thought of what you want to do ahead in the marriage? As an independent working woman would you be comfortable with taking a break from your marriage and living separately for a while and then figure out what you want to do with your life? Sometimes a serious threat works best with persons like your husband who drink, smoke and are irresponsible. Once you break after giving a warning he will take you more seriously than he is doing now. If your parents do not accept you, a separate accommodation would be an alternative to think about. Your child would be better off too with a cleaner atmosphere with no strife. Think about it. Or else a session of counselling may help think through the problem to think of alternatives.
Q. My friend is having many bad habits of drinking and watching TV whole night. He does not get sleep and keeps awake. After that in the morning he is not able to get up and go to work on time. He has a large joint family who help his family and wife and children and he takes no responsibility for them. His wife went away to her parents many times and then he goes and brings them back. This is going on since many years. Please advice. Will counselling help overcome his bad habits?
Ans. Yes, counselling should be tried systematically on a long term. These are character defects or disorders where a person is addicted to drinking and becomes irresponsible in personal and professional matters. He is not a good professional and neither a good parent or husband. He is self centred and worries for his own whims and needs. Since he has a family to take care of his responsibilities he does not feel the urgency to do anything. His wife is naturally a victim of his temperament and addictive nature and is suffering due to it. You might motivate your friend for counselling and you may send the couple together initially.