“Prioritise and postpone”- 11 May 2014

C. S

Q. I am 25 years old and is preparing for government job. I am in relationship with a girl and she is ready to marry but the condition is that I have to do government job so she can talk with her family as they are looking for the same. I am preparing for last two years but couldn’t achieve the success right now some time written is not clear some time I get disqualified in interview. Now her behaviour is changed now when she calls she repeated the sentence I have just demanded a job from you but you couldn’t got this? Again she requested to do a job in this year otherwise her parents will make her marry with someone else. Right now I very tensed with these. What to do please suggest.

Ans. Some things are beyond our control. Your girl friend fails to understand this simple point. She should make a difference between your intentions and your luck. You have the intentions to fulfil her wish to get into a government job but you have failed to qualify which is not your fault to some extent. It seems she must be under pressure from her parents who want a groom for her in a secure government job. This is unfortunate for you for she is blaming you and thinking of rejecting you for such a simple criteria. Besides the mind set of her parents, it also displays a lack of faith in you and your capabilities to support her and take care of her. Under such circumstances you can try to convince her that you are qualified and good enough to take her responsibility for life and if she still does not agree then allow your destiny to follow its own path. Let her go. You go your own way.


Q. Few months before I broke up with a guy due to some grave reasons. Its past three months but still I am not successful in forgetting him. My mind constantly keeps thinking about him. His memories keep floating in my mind. Even I am unable to concentrate in my studies. I am ignoring my responsibilities. I don’t want to think about him even for a moment but I can’t stop myself. It’s the year of 10 th for me and I want to come out with flying colours. Please tell me what I should do so that I will be able forget him completely.

Ans. Humans are capable of postponing their desires and wishes. Forgetting is a difficult thing as memories remain with almost forever but they do fade away with time. So instead of trying hard to forget him which is going to be difficult, just think of postponing his thoughts till your 10th boards are over. Postponement of pleasure comes normal to us as our parents train us in these things. So you try telling your mind that it is time to study now so you will study and then think about him another time when you are free. Another option could be to specify a time of 15 minutes during the day when you can allow your mind to indulge in the luxury of his thoughts and memories as much as you like and then stop it and start working on your assignments. It’s like keeping a special period for his thoughts! That way you will not disturb your entire routine. Try it!


Q. I am student of engineering mechanical 1st year and I am leaving this bachelors course since I got admitted into a very bad college. I am interested in computers so I am going to take admission in BCA and then join coaching classes for CAT since I want to do my PG in MBA from IIM. Please help me if my choice is good or I must make any changes….

Ans. This is a good enough option as you are interested in computers and should do exactly what you like. The only note of caution is your plan for the post graduate course- whether you should MCA further if you want to work as a computer programmer or MBA if your interest lies in management. Be clear about your future goals and aims. If the present college was good enough you could change your stream to computers from mechanical engineering. Or ask for a transfer to another college if possible.


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