“Understand your mind first”- 4 May 2014


Q. Now I have a question that – first listen my story – I am in love with a girl who is my school mate.  I love her from last five years and once I proposed her but she refused and last year she was in 10 th standard  and I didn’t disturb her  because of his studies and career and now I am in 12th and now I have also burden of  studies but I love her a lot and that gal also loves me but I didn’t knew reason why she is away from me and this year is last for me after it where I am and where she will. So please suggest me what I should do to get my love in my life forever.  She is important for me as studies are important because I can’t live without her.

Ans. She is more sensible than you in declining your proposal. She must be focused on studies and her mind must be more in control than yours. If you like a person at this age and stage of life just be on friendly terms without getting romantic about it and maintain the friendship as long as you can. That is acceptable to most people whereas long term commitment is not acceptable to many at this age. You scared her away by proposing to her. The friendship has to bear the test of time to convert itself into a life-long partnership. You can still do that- make friends with her and keep in touch with her through college too. Some of the best friends in life are your school mates. Do not mess it up with romance and demands of life- long commitment. With age as both of you mature if the feelings remain and grow you could marry each other. That would be the most natural fall-out perhaps.


Q. I want a suggestion from that I was student of maths stream but now I am not interested in this for doing bachelor in Engineering. So please suggest me any other field so that I can go on and on.

Ans. You must come for career counselling. There are hosts of careers that you can do without maths and besides engineering. You have a right to change your mind and your course of study. In fact the earlier you do it the better. It would be difficult for me to suggest options without knowing your interest areas and your aptitude and your personality. So take an appointment and come for career guidance.


Q. I am in a bit of confusion. I am studying with a girl in a same class from past one year. She had a boy friend from past 7 years. We were good friends and did normal chats. But one day she told me that she loves me and likes me a lot and she broke up with his boy friend for me. Though it was a long distance relationship I said I am not sure for this, so I kept it pending. But after 1 month she told her past to me honestly including saying that she s not a virgin. She loves me a lot and cares for me a lot and cries if I ignore or don’t talk to her. She keeps every single care for me. My confusion is that should I continue with this girl because she is not a virgin. This factor woes me to re think about her which leads to fights between us often. Should I accept her and how should I
resist that thinking of being her a non virgin. Please help

Ans. Your values and beliefs are deep rooted. They form the basis of our attitudes and our culture. If you believe in ‘purity’ of mind and body before marriage then the thought of her truth will keep haunting you and disturbing you. If you believe that the person is more important than her past and her other details then you would be happy to associate with her as you love her. Love means total acceptance of the other but if beliefs are stronger and bothersome then please break off now and tell her you cannot accept her any longer. There are no hard norms today to judge people as values are changing and personal morality is on the decline in a significant way. You will have to be your own judge of your mind and take a decision. Another option would be to seek counselling to understand your mind and its limitations and help yourself to take a decision.


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