Q. I am currently pursuing engineering. I am a first year student. I used to study hard till 12th std. I got 88% in SSC and 78% in HSSC. I am unable to focus on my studies. I use Facebook for the same time as my friends do but they are getting the same marks as they used to get previously. Due to the fear of my father I didn’t told him my 1st internal test result, I tried to improve my result but in the 2nd internal test it lowered than the previous. I am having my end semester in less than 30 days and I am afraid that if my result continued I may fail in the end semester. Please help me in knowing what step I should take that would help me in getting better results.
Ans. You could stop your activities on social networking sites like Facebook and concentrate only on studies. Try stopping the usage of gadgets like mobile, computer and meet your friends in person only. The time spent on facebook is not the important criteria of disturbance but the internal and external reactions of your mind and its consequences on your behaviour. If facebook has a considerable effect on your mind then that disturbs and interferes with your concentration in studies. Some people may be managing their emotions and their relationships well enough not to get disturbed by facebook but that principle does not apply to all. In human behaviour and interaction generally there are no absolute principles to go by and they are relative in affect and effect. So make a single point programme of focusing on studies and be successful. That is a promise you should make with yourself and for your parents. You will succeed.
Q. I am an engineering student. I have a problem that I feel people are talking are about me and actually I have this problem from past two years and I know why am getting such feelings. Let me be frank -till school I was a good student I never failed in my school but after that I did diploma in engineering and in the beginning I was going good. But slowly I got involved with one of my friend who was very close to me and she had many friends and I was introduced to many people and I met one of her friend who is my boy friend right now. Everything was going very excitingly. I was very happy but suddenly something got wrong. I would not explain it now because it’s a long story but just want to say that my friend and I ended up our friendship. My boy friend is still with me but now I feel very irritating and feel like being alone. My friend and I were so close that we never dreamt of such things. One of the reasons I would like to mention is that I failed in my exam and I lost my year! After that my life became hell and I could not even step out of my house because my friend’s aunty who is ,my neighbour would ask my mom about me and my studies. I was scared that everyone would know about me. I used to fight with my parents and last year I even went to stay alone out of shame but could not stay longer. Anyhow I completed my course and I passed and now I am in a reputed college doing engineering but still I feel people talk about me specially my friend who I thought didn’t knew about my failure but she knows it. I feel ashamed of coming in front of her. And we are not in talking terms and I regret of everything I did in my life. I am really in trouble I feel like getting mad. I could not concentrate in my studies. I want to come for counselling but my parents won’t allow me and specially my boyfriend who is also making my life hell. Please help me. I hate myself now.
Ans. This is the result of failure and its negative consequences on your mind. You seem to have lost your confidence (in spite of getting admission into engineering), feel lonely and rejected by your girl friend, feel guilty and remorseful, feel humiliated and criticised by family members and the neighbours, and fear facing people with boldness. You should forgive yourself and your mistakes and move ahead with life. Get rid of your guilt, do positive thinking, pray for mental peace and calmness of mind and focus only on your studies. You could think of getting rid of your troublesome boyfriend too. This is a challenging time and everyone will test you and your abilities. You have to prove it to society that you have the strength and the talent to make a good life. When you achieve your first victory (passing with good marks) everyone will change their attitude towards you and you will feel the difference. All the best.