“Failures are learning experiences”- 4 November 2012

Q. I’m a practising lawyer. I’m well to do in my profession. My difficulty is that I like to go deep in my matters. I like to do a lot of research before I start my work. Sometime times I find that I am affected by the results that I get in the matters. For eg, when I win I am on a high and when I lose despite efforts I am bit low. I know that as a professional I will win some and lose some. I keep on trying to not to get affected by the work. But I can’t switch myself off when the matter is over. Plus my memory is strong. So things stay for a longer time in my mind. Could you please suggest a way out?

Ans. There is nothing negative about this generally, unless you tend to give very strong reactions when you lose. If you brood and sulk about your failures and take a long time to recover your cheerfulness then perhaps you do need to probe into your mind and explore the reasons for it. Resilience is a virtue that needs to be cultivated. The ability to spring back to normal moods leads to good mental health. Sulking and brooding over failures saps energy and leads to wastage of working hours. Looking into the specific case and the causes of failure should be done in a rational manner and not emotional. And failure teaches so many things which books don’t. So analyse your failures dispassionately but honestly and learn from them. Don’t take failures personally. We all learn the same way.

Q. My daughter is not serious about her studies. She has been going down since two years when she was in 5th Std. I am really worried. Is there some cure for this type of problem? We live in small town near Akola and don’t know what to do. She is intelligent and her teachers have started complaining about her work. Please guide me what to do.

Ans. Your daughter most probably has learning disorders which means that in spite of the child having normal intelligence she has difficulties in specific areas of study. Such as, she could be deficient in reading, writing, spellings, arithmetic, visual motor skills or auditory perception or even other areas. These deficits could be in one, two or many areas and this could result in her decline in academic performance in spite of her intelligence being normal or above normal. Besides this aspect there could be other factors too which could lead to poor academic performance. We need to evaluate and assess her specific problem areas and then suggest remedies for them. Please bring your child after seeking a prior appointment. She can be taken care of. Do not despair. There are good solutions available.

Q. I love a man who is very nice and good looking. He promises to marry me and also says he loves me. But I suspect that he is involved with another woman. A friend gave a hint to me about him and the other woman and when I asked him he refused. Then I never asked him again. He is nice to me and we will be talking to our parents soon. But this thought does not go away that he may like another person. What should I do? I am totally confused and worried. I have lost my sleep and have become an irritated person. He also said that I am behaving not so well now-a-days but I did not tell him my mind. Please help me madam.

Ans. This is a difficult situation, now that your mind has come into a serious doubt about your boyfriend. They say ‘there is no smoke without fire’, which means there may have been something between your boyfriend and the other lady and may have died a natural death. Sometimes sparks do fly and vanish or are suppressed which is fine. The other fact could be that it was a piece of office gossip which again could be part of office politics which is spread deliberately to hurt and malign. The source of information is important and you could verify it again with your friend by asking her more details. She could help you inquire more facts about him. Once you are convinced of the non-seriousness of the situation you should close the chapter, banish the doubts about him and go ahead with your marriage plans. All the best.

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