“Pursue your own dreams”- 4 January 2015.
Q. I am mentally drained and suffer suicidal thoughts. Aged 18, I am pursuing medical science. I have below average intelligence and have always been compared with siblings who are very talented. I am addicted to day-dreaming all day, I imagine myself as an attractive girl, best at everything I do, with a good friend circle and the best romantic life possible. In reality, I am a liar, lack hygiene, am not great looking, feel rejected. I am also addicted to pornography and masturbating. I feel depressed, lonely most of the times. I chose medical field because of sibling’s excellence. I failed the entrance exam and wanted to do designing. However, my parents forced me to retry. I bunk classes and watch porn, etc. Please help me save my future.
Ans. If you can a session of counselling will be very helpful in sorting out your confusions about the choice of career and your emotional disturbances. Your parents seem to be responsible for your current state of mind by pushing you into a career which you don’t want and not allowing you to choose the career you like. Secondly they compare you to others which is damaging to your self esteem and self worth. You have internalised all the negative comments about yourself and believe that you are below average. I would advise you to stop day dreaming and start thinking positively about your future. Believe in yourself and do what you would love to do. Pursue your own dreams not those of your parents.
Q. I am studying in class 12th and I am preparing for JEE. But now I realised that it’s not my cup of tea. It’s not that I lost hope or something but I know that I didn’t work hard and now I’m focusing for board exams. But I’m little worried about next then? I have interest in
architecture too but I didn’t opt for JEE mains paper -2 for it. Because I know that I won’t be able to manage entrance, boards and architecture too. But somewhere I am regretting for it a little. I am a jolly girl and wanted to do work that I will do with my soul but I don’t have any talent or special skills in anything. Please guide me. What should I do now? I read your columns and I love the way you deal with it. Please help.
Ans. You could opt for B.Tech courses such as Interior designing, Textile designing, cosmetology, BCA and such other courses which can be done without the entrance exams but through merit on board exam percentage. You could also appear for NATA and get into architecture through that. It is difficult to guide in the choice of career in such a way as it needs a face to face talk and discussion. It is deciding for your whole life and there should not be any confusion left. We need to know your aptitude, your interest areas and your personality factors. Career chosen systematically is the best choice to make. It cannot be done randomly.
Q. I’m an employee at public sector bank posted around 350 kms away from Nagpur and completed around six years of service. I’ve family my wife and two children with me. I recently know that I’m a patient of high blood pressure and said to stop ‘drinking’ it will lead to heart attack. Since I heard that I always think that something wrong is going to happen with me. Even when I’m working I’m thinking the same. My behavior and attitude is totally lost. I’m a heavy drinker and I need daily as I’m crowded with people all the day I desperately need something to sleep well and this lead to ignorance of family life as well as personal life. During weekends I start from afternoon to night which bother me but I’m helpless. Presently I’m felling loneliness and some sound always come to my ears I always try avoid it. Sometimes I feel to run away from family but I feel what they do without me? Sometimes I feel to close self. I do feel that all these are psychological but I want to make it right. Please HELP. PS: I don’t drink during working hours but still I feel dizziness and try to do best of me.
Ans. You must accept the truth that you have become addicted to alcohol and must take indoor treatment in a hospital for a week or two at least. A psychiatrist or a physician is the best person to treat you and de-addict you from the affects of alcohol. After the initial de-addiction process you would need counselling and psychotherapy to heal your mind and develop habits to remain clean. There is always the tendency for relapse. Depression and loneliness and negative thoughts about future are part of the symptoms of prolonged alcohol abuse. Take support from your wife and family and take action for seeking hospitalisation and treatment. You can be fine and healthy if you decide.