“Identify the causes for disturbance” 24 April 2011



Q. My problem is that I have developed inferiority complexes
that are destroying my personality. I feel that I am not beautiful and
whenever I see more beautiful and smart girls than me my confidence
goes down. I feel nervous talking to boys. I have chosen M.B.A for my
higher studies but this is not possible with my present situation. As a
school student I was a good public speaker but now-a- days I keep
searching for words in front of public. I know I can speak English
very fluently but whenever I have to I get hyper and destroy everything. I
keep thinking what others would think of me if I do something badly. I
always think whether I can do this or not before starting any new
work. This problem was not with me before, but I don’t know what has
happened to me now a days. I have tried my level best to get over this
problem but I just can’t. I always keep thinking about this again and
again. I can’t come for counselling so please kindly help me.

Ans. The information you give is not enough for me to help you through this column. The best thing would be to come for a session or two. There has to be a reason for developing these inferiority complexes you talk about. If you were good earlier and now something has upset your confidence we need to identify the causes first before I guide you. Please give details or else best would be to visit me in person. It can be taken care of easily.


Q. I am unable to access my strength and weakness. Please suggest ways. I will be obliged to you. Secondly, I am pursuing my B.E degree from R.G.P.V University M.P. Suggest how I can carry on with future prospect in mechanical engineering.

Ans. Take a piece of paper and write down your strong points of your personality including your talent areas and your nature. Then write your weaknesses. Now focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses. Plan your future on the basis of your strengths and take a decision whether you would like to do masters in engineering or management. That depends upon your interests and your temperament. If you are research oriented and like academics then go for M.Tech. If you like practical work, get enrolled for M.B.A. Another option would be to get into a job and work for a couple of years before going for higher studies. Make a choice with much thought and analysis.

K.S. (Worried parents)

Q. My daughter, a working girl of 27, is reluctant to get married as she thinks that her freedom would be lost after marriage and she will not be able to handle the relationships with husband/in-laws/children. During her college days, she was friendly with a number of guys. She wanted to marry one boy, whom we approved after initial hesitation but she broke up with him also and now wants to remain single. We are worried that she will be alone all her life without a companion. At the same time we are apprehensive that her
marriage may not work out due to her bluntness and attitude. Anxiety about her future is giving us sleepless nights. Please suggest what we should do in the current situation.
Ans. It is natural for you to be worried for your daughter’s future and her negative attitude towards marriage. Ideally since she is already 27 years of age she should be prepared for marriage. It would be important for you to suggest to her to seek counseling to clear her mind. There must be blocks in her mind which make her apprehensive about marriage. There may be some negative experiences that deter her in such a fashion. Counseling helps in identifying the problem areas and also in opening the mind and making it healthier and stronger to face life’s challenges with equanimity.


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