“Accept the present situation” 1 May 2011


S. S

Q. I am a second year student of B.E. I am confused about my further studies. I am more inclined towards music, right now I am learning guitar and
want my career in something related in that field. What are the scope
-please let me know.

Ans. This is a difficult decision to make. You could always keep music as a passionate hobby and spend a fairly good amount of time and energy pursuing it. But to make it a full time career would need more thought and planning. Music is a creative line and highly competitive if one has to make a good career out of it. The choices are few. You could join a like minded group of musicians or you could start your own little endeavour after you are fully trained. That depends upon your inherent talent and how much you can hone it. Since you are already in second year of engineering studies the wisest choice would be to complete your studies in the same and also to keep pursuing your interest in music. At the end of some years you would get the answer from your heart, about the best choice to make.


Q. I had recently married a month ago. My problem is that I do not like my wife, I do not like her facial expressions and she is not good looking too. I do not like the tone of her voice too. I do not feel attracted to her at all. Before marriage itself I had expressed my feelings to my family but they did not listen. She is a well educated working girl and matured too they said. She is a good girl and has average looks and not all girls are good looking they said. They emotionally blackmailed me in many ways and told me to adjust to the proposal. In spite of all this when I still refused to agree my father scolded me and also fell ill. Thus I married under a lot of pressure from the family. The fault is partially mine as I had said to the proposal by liking all the parameters but without meeting the girl! I am very disturbed now I do not sleep well at night and thoughts of either suicide or divorce keep running in my mind. My wife loves me a lot and is devoted to me too. She respects me and I feel afraid that she should not know my inner feelings! What should I do? I am very frustrated. Please help me.

Ans. This is a complex situation you have got into and also find yourself responsible for it to some extent. It does not mean that you should suffer the consequences of your immaturity for your whole life but at the same time it also does not mean that you should give it up without giving it a good try for it would spoil someone else’s life for which she is not responsible at all. She is an innocent person and it is honourable of you not to have disclosed your true feelings to her lest you disturb her. Please keep your feelings a secret always and never tell her. It would be advisable to stop the negative thoughts that come to your mind regarding her and to stop judging her in any way. Treat her as a good companion and like another friend you have made. If she loves you and is devoted to you, you could enjoy the attention and the love that she is showering on you. You could consider yourself lucky that she is so nice and dignified. She must be a good human being and that is precisely what you should think about her. Appreciate her good qualities and enjoy the present. Let sufficient time pass and then reconsider your decision. You could come for counselling too if you continue to remain disturbed.


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