“Raise your concerns and voice them” 26 November 2023.

ABC, Bhopal.

Q. I lost my husband many years ago. He died in a crash which was not his fault. I feel very lonely and alone. His friend who was with him survived and visits us often. He feels responsible and guilty for whatever happened although it was not his fault either. I have two grown up children who are doing well and are studying in college. They worry for me and wonder what will happen when they go away. They are both girls. I have a small business at home and keep busy but something always seems amiss. My family and my husband’s family are supportive and that is why I have been able to manage my home. I am afraid to ask the one question that keeps coming to my mind- should I or should not I? In a conservative society what will people say and what will happen to my daughters? I know the answer but just felt like writing my problems to someone who will understand. Any suggestions?

Ans. It is not very clear what you are suggesting- are you wanting to marry again and are you hinting at the friend of your husband who was with him at the time of crash? I don’t know if he is single or married with children or not? Anyway, to just you my thoughts -its like this. Everyone has a right to be happy. Marrying a second time, is being accepted a lot in society now. I know it is not easy for a woman with two children. But it is happening. If there is someone who likes you/loves you and is free to commit, then it is a blessing from God. Accept it and go ahead. Of-course take your children into confidence and speak to them first before you commit. You could try talking to your family too. If there are complications, then you will have to weigh the pros and cons and make a choice. At least, open the discussion and see the reactions and responses.

Anonymous, Raipur.

Q. My husband is an alcoholic and he refuses to improve his behavior. He has a habit from college and it has worsened now. In between he stays well and again goes back to heavy drinking. I think it is his friends who encourage him and don’t leave him. He absents from work once a while but does not do his work well. He might lose his job if he continues like this. He is good by nature and mostly people like him. He has many good qualities, he is helpful, cheerful and social. He is popular and people like his company. But as a wife I am worried as it is affecting my son who gets afraid of him when he comes home drunk and stutters when he speaks. He hardly interacts with the child and does not give time to him. He refuses treatment and says he won’t go to the doctor. He says he is not sick and he is not an alcoholic. What should I do? I don’t want to leave him and I don’t want to stay with him too?

Ans. Typically, your husband is in denial of the problem and will continue to do so until something drastic happens and he is forced to see the truth and accept it. You could try two things, one, is to go to a counsellor/ psychologist together and discuss the issue. Two, is to issue him a threat of leaving him, or staying with him on a condition that he takes treatment and gives up alcohol. I hope you have informed his parents and told them that you are tired of his habit and want to leave him. Let his parents take over and worry for him. Sweet persuasions don’t work with alcoholics unfortunately.   

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