“Reason your emotion”- 2 March 2014

S. B

Q. I am in huge trouble. I had an relationship for 8 years. Last December  we breakup due to some family issues and now he is getting married to a girl. Till this time I was stable and calm but marriage news its getting  me hard to live. And couple of time I decide to end life. Please help me what I should do to forget him and start my life freshly. Please advice.

Ans. Emotions are funny business as they contradict themselves and play havoc with reason. You have already broken up with each other from December 2013. Once done both of you are free to choose whoever you like to marry and live with. Now where is the question for you to feel upset in the first place and secondly to think in extreme ways of thinking to end your life! That is really hard to believe and digest. This indicates that you are still deeply attached to him emotionally and have not detached yourself from him and his life. This means that your love is not lost yet. I am glad you want to start your life fresh and get over him. Firstly, set a goal in life which will give meaning and richness to your life. Secondly, make a set of new friends or start connecting to old and lost friends. Being lonely makes it worse. Cultivate some hobbies and get busy. Thirdly, when the memories come, think of the good ones and cherish them. If you try hard to forget him it may not happen so let them be wherever they are. Lastly, allow him to be free him, leave him and wish him the best in your mind. Be sensible, bold and kind as well. Think positive about yourself.

S. D

Q. I am a 19 year old engineering student. Recently I came to know that one of my very good friend is a homosexual. His family also got to know about it a week back whereas he’s aware of this fact since he was eleven. From the past 6-7 months, he has been involved with a guy, 2 years elder than him. His family has been very supportive towards this issue since they came to know about it and they want him to come out of it. He himself wants to change if he gets an opportunity. But he says he sees no way by which he could change. My question is- can homosexuals be really transformed into straights? Is it the psychological thing or something physical that is there by birth? He’s a strong person, with immense self control, potential and intellect. Your opinion would be really helpful.

Ans. In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Association of Psychiatry it is no longer considered a disorder or a disease but is noted as a sexual orientation. There are no studies to indicate definitive causes for this orientation but the genetic component plays a significant role in it. Some psychologists may suggest the role of childhood nurturance and upbringing in the development of same sex orientation but again there are no conclusive studies on that. Although mental health professionals may have put their approval on the variant behaviour, culturally and legally there are serious prohibitions against the behaviour. In most countries and with reference to India the stereotypes are extremely negative. Legally it is criminalised in India. Psychologically such people live in deep trauma and depression due to the mismatch of their desires and societal mores and norms. It is good to know that his parents have taken it kindly and are supportive to the extent of helping him. If he is willing to change we can help him with counselling. A few sessions of counselling would be highly suggested to know the depth and the extent of the problem.


Q. I have no interest in science and am failing now repeatedly. My parents forced me into this subject and I am regretting it. What to do? I feel like either committing suicide or running away from home. I feel suffocated. I am not suited to science and this damn engineering. I sleep in class and it all goes up my head. I hate it and am depressed. My parents will never agree. They keep saying you can do it if you study hard. Please tell me what to do.


Ans. Choosing a career is serious business and should be done with utmost care and with deep thought. Your parents have done the wrong thing by forcing you into a field you are not interested in and do not have the adequate level of aptitude. That is the reason for your repeated failures. Running away from home or life or committing suicide is cowardice. Be brave and bold. Tell your parents you want to change your line of studies and request then to bring you for a aptitude test as well as career guidance and planning so that we can together make the best choice for you now. Wasting a few years of your life does not matter at all as you have a long life ahead and you must be happy in whatever you do. Parents try to think in the best interest of their children but they too can make mistakes. If you explain things to them patiently and politely they will understand. Take the help of a relative they will listen to or a family friend who can help you communicate with them.

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