“Resolve your feelings fast”- 24 June 2012

Puja C.G. Nagpur

Q. This March, I lost my mother to cancer. I, a native from Nagpur have been out for my education to Mumbai for the last 4 years and am now awaiting my MA part-I results. My brother is a student in Nagpur but would have to soon leave the town for further studies. Considering the situation at home, I wish to stay back with my father but he won’t let me for my master’s is not yet over. I feel guilty for not being around and staying home will help me rejuvenate. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle staying away anymore.

A. Firstly, I am extremely sorry for your loss. I understand, coping is difficult for everyone in a case like this but unfortunately fate leaves us with little choice. Your father, being a ‘father’ would naturally not want his lovable daughter’s career to suffer as a result of something as uncontrollable as this and I also understand your mixed feelings of wanting to stay close. Most perfect solution will be staying at home yet completing your education is vital. From what I know, MU offers distance learning courses; what you can do is try to convert your course into one! Another option would be requesting your professors to consider your case. Maybe allow you lesser attendance than the norms or let you only come for exams. If nothing works, then try and take up MA Part II in Nagpur University. That way both of you will be satisfied.

A.K, Raipur

Q. I 22 years and have been dating for about 2 years now and my parents know and also accept my relationship. Recently, they had gone out for dinner when my boyfriend secretly came over. My father forgot something, and came home unannounced to take it and caught me being intimate with my boyfriend. Thereafter, my parents have been extremely disappointed, have stopped talking to me and keep telling me how bad a daughter I am! They want to get me engaged as soon as possible and hence spoke to my boyfriend’s parents who said a straight no for furthering this relationship. He affirms that he loves me, but he cannot do anything until he becomes independent. I feel very depressed and often have extreme thoughts of harming myself. Please help!

A. It is natural for your parents to be anxious and paranoid because of what happened. They feel betrayed and taken advantage of. Physicality in relationships is accepted only with one person and that too only after marriage and that’s how your parents think it’s the best for you to get married to this guy. It cannot be overlooked however that you are quite young to get married especially when none of you are independent to support it! The tough call here is whether he is reliable enough to be waited for. Only you can judge this from how your relationship has been, whether you really do want to get married to this boy and most importantly how he has been with you. Has he broken promises, been unfaithful or disappointed you? If yes, then the best thing is to walk out of this and apologise to your parents for having been carried away with the wrong guy. But, if he has been loving, faithful, caring, supportive and strong to stand by you; then you need to convince your parents to trust you and be patient. However you must give your boyfriend a realistic time limit.


Q. The thought of a girl in love with a nun must be very crazy, even I felt so until I realised that it’s actually true for me! My principal ignored me and was harsh with me. She never smiled at me but she still remained a craze!  In class 10th, I confessed my feelings for her through a letter. But even then, her behaviour continued to be same. One day after she received her transfer order she messaged me thanking and blessing me. I do not understand why suddenly she contacted me! Does she like me? Kindly help!

A. What you feel, how you feel is all about you. It could be ‘crazy’ for someone else, but it’s a reality for you. Your principal; is a nun by choice, meaning, she has accepted and willingly adapted a lifestyle where love, lust, romantic and sexual relationships are unacceptable. This also clearly implies that she does not want to indulge in anything such as that. Also, being a principal and a nun; empathy, acceptance and love for other people in inculcated in her. A message thanking and blessing you does not mean she is reflecting your feelings. Feelings of love; is a respectable expression and I believe this as being the reason as to why she thanked you. Reading between the lines is not what you should do in this case. It’s important that you concentrate your energies on your career and academics at this point of time and resolve your feelings towards your principal.

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