“Seek marriage counselling”- 7 October 2012


Q. I love a girl in my class. We chat and message each other from many months. Now she is ignoring me and not talking or chatting. I have asked her the reason many times but she is not telling me the real thing. She avoids me and says nothing. What to do- I miss her very much and do not study well. My parents are noticing the change in me and also I may not score well this time. Please help me get back the girl.

Ans. If the girl has decided to ignore you and break off the friendship the choice is hers. She does owe an explanation to you about her behaviour but all people are not forthright about their intentions. Many times they are secretive or may not want to disclose the true reasons. Sometimes they may not want to hurt your sentiments by speaking the truth. Supposing she does not like you any more she may not want to tell you the truth for you are going to be hurt about it. There could be other reasons such as her parents who may have discovered the fact and may have scolded her for it. Instead of breaking your head over the causes of her breakup it will be practical to give it up and engage yourself in better activities. Your studies are important and your life depends on it so go ahead and do that. It is certainly a bad experience but all bad experiences teach us a lot of good lessons. So take it as a learning experience and become wiser. Do not weep like a baby.


Q. My husband is flirting with a colleague in office. I caught them both in the market by chance and they were shocked. After that he has asked forgiveness from me but my mind is full of fear. He made many excuses first and told many lies and finally agreed about his affair after I went on nagging him. My life is ruined I think and I have children. I am neglecting them and feeling depressed all the time. What should I do? Please help me with this problem of mine.

Ans. Marriage counselling would help in many ways. It would help us know the personality of your husband and the reasons for his wayward behaviour. We could help you work on your depression and help you get out of it. You would also have to deal with your relationship with your husband so that you both normalise it as fast as possible. There are children to take care of and it is important to take that into account for they will be the worst affected. When a family gets into stress the children face the brunt. For the sake of your marriage and your children you will need to take more steps in the right direction. Just stopping the affair will not resolve matters totally.


Q. Since two weeks I am losing interest in my job and work. My performance has become slack and slow. I am afraid of going to work daily and I have to drag myself. My wife pushes me to do things and then only I go. Do I need medicines? What is this problem called? And can I be treated for it? Please guide me properly.

Ans. Your symptoms speak of a depressed state of mind. There are many reasons for depression and it is necessary to address the problem immediately and get cured of it. Since it is beginning to affect your performance on the job and the signs are showing up for all to see please consult a psychologist immediately. If there is no consulting psychologist in your city you may consult a psychiatrist. Depression can be treated with counselling and psychotherapy and sometimes may need medicines too. The treatment depends on the type of depression you have. Do not worry for there is a good cure for it.

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