“Understand his personality”- 14 October 2012


Q. I am doing engineering final year. I am in love relationship with a boy from last two years. He is not good looking as me but his mind is brilliant even his rank is always in top 5 positions. He is very serious about his future. When our relationship began, 1 month later he said me that he is not so interested in me as before. After that we broke up but after two week he realized that he was wrong then again our relationship started. My problem is that he never gives me time as I need. I want to spend time with him but he is busy in his exams, robotic competition, his GATE preparation. He told me that we belong to different colleges and different branch even I also want to spend but there is no place to take you outside as we are in a city. I cannot understand why he is doing like that. I shared my problem with his friends. They said he is very serious about you his nature is very reserved and shy even he never share many problems with them also. I am sure that his interest is never goes to another girl but I have doubt that his interest is on me or not. Many times, I switched off my cell phone when he fought then he call my friend and cried for me. Even many times I said that I cannot continue this relationship but he never said except 1 time as I explained before. I love him, I don’t want to leave but I want he has excitement on me as I have. Please help me.

Ans. You must try to understand his personality. It seems that he is introverted and hence shy and reserved with people including you. He might have strong feelings for you as he realised it after the first break-up. He is also very focused on his studies as he has a brilliant mind and is creative. People like this enjoy their work, love creativity, enjoy using their intellectual abilities, love and desire opposite sex company but do not indulge in relationships too much. He might not like chatting, roaming around aimlessly, saying romantic nonsense things, and flirting /courting. That is what you miss precisely. That is his nature and may remain like that always. If you can accept that and still be happy with him, go ahead and preserve the relationship or else give it a serious thought. Such people are also strong headed and can be self –centred (not selfish). You will have to make a choice now. But you can take your time to make a judgement.

S. N

Q.  I am a father of one son being 5 years old. I am confused and not taking proper decision about second issue of child. I don’t want second issue because I live far from native place and family members will not also spare to take care of my child. But my family members pressurised me for second issue because one has no guarantee in life. Is second issue essential for betterment in life? Kindly help me guide /give suggestions through your column.
Ans. Having children is a personal choice and decision. Some couples may opt out of having any child at all and some may take their own decisions about the number of children you would like to enjoy. Of course seeing the rate of the population of our country most parents and even the government would like to promote the one-parent- one-child norm. That is an ideal thing for many. For a child a sibling is important psychologically –having company, enjoying the company of a sibling, for future security too. But there are many children

I know who are single and very happy with their lives as they enjoy the full attention of their parents and ejoy all the benefits and resources too! Happiness in life depends upon how you define it and lead it the way you want to. Family pressure and peer pressure will always exist but it is up to you and your wife (who has to bear and nurture the child) to take a decision on this matter. A session of counselling will help if you cannot arrive at a satisfactory decision.

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