“Self integration is important”- 23 December 2018.


Q. I have a very strange problem!! I Motivate everyone and I always live happy!! But still, when I sit alone I feel de-motivated about myself. I think people don’t like me and they just want to be away from me. I don’t know if they really do so, but this sometimes make me think deeply. I feel demoralised! Everyone judges by looks and so I think no one likes me. I feel like crying and moving somewhere where people don’t know me!! Please ma’am will you suggest me what to do?? In the hope of answer and solution..!!
Ans. When you sit alone you feel negative about yourself you say otherwise you keep happy in the company of people and keep them motivated too. You also say that you are not sure if this feeling is true or not but it makes you think deeply. This could mean one or two things and you could try to figure it out for yourself. One reason could be that you are an extrovert by nature and naturally like to socialise with people and keep happy when you are surrounded by people. This makes you feel wanted and loved and warm. Extroverts begin to feel lonely when they stay or have to stay alone for a period of time and start feeling unwanted and unloved. If no one calls you up for a period of time you lose your bearings and feel lost in this world. If this reason is not true then the other reason could be that you are not comfortable with yourself for when you are alone all the self doubts and ghosts of the past begin to haunt you and make you insecure. Being comfortable with oneself can occur if you meditate daily and introspect yourself deeply. Thinking deeply about yourself and accepting self wholeheartedly for whatever you are is the best route to being comfortable with yourself. Everyone must learn to build inner strength and positivism by taking a good look at oneself and accepting the package. Find out what you think are your weakness and strengths and become aware of what you find difficult to accept. If you fail to reconcile and integrate yourself you would need a few sessions of psychotherapy.


Q. My husband, a senior government officer is addicted to electronic gadgets. He keeps on watching the latest launch of mobiles, sound systems, tvs, watches, cameras etc, and do unnecessary purchasing, though is very reasonable to the requirements of my children and me. Earlier I thought his passion to be okay as he has no bad habits and loves us. But, we are quite low on savings. With two kids over the age of 15 and an ailing Mil and us over the age of 45 , I advice him to save more for education, health and marriage of kids. But he turns deaf ears. Otherwise we are happily married for over 20 yrs. Please advise some ways to convince him. Thanks and regards.

Ans. With the comfort of online shopping many people have become shopaholics! People buy unnecessary items which you can actually do without and although the items are sensible or reasonable items as you state, they may be redundant to the actual needs of the family. In the sense if the family is low on savings as you say with two kids and the health needs of your mother-in-law, you would do better to save and be frugal. Most men are fond of electronic gadgets and can be changing them too often. When you say addicted then it becomes a serious issue that needs deft handling and just complaining and cribbing about it will not help. You could ask him to consult and take an advice from a consultant about the percentage of savings essential for running and meeting the family needs in the long term. They explain nicely and sensibly about how much to save and where to make the savings/investments. You could ask a friend to send in a wealth manager/consultant to talk to your husband. He is more likely to listen to someone in authority rather than you as a wife. Another option is to bring him for counselling on some pretext or the other and we can take care of him.

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