“Stop the violence”- 5 November 2017.
Q. Since past two or three years I have grown a problem of over-thinking. A continuous cycle of unwanted thoughts remain present in my mind. I am trying to get rid of them. I have tried all possible ways to avoid this problem but not successful. It is affecting my studies too. I have lost concentration in studies. This is worrying me. My exams are near and my studies are affecting badly. I always present in an imaginary world. I am not able to come out of it. I have tried methods from the internet but they have not helped me. Please suggest me ways to overcome this over-thinking. Do I need counselling or psychotherapy? Please suggest.
Ans. Yes you would need counselling and therapy for your problem of over-thinking. This can happen due to many reasons and it would be important to know the real cause of this problem. Two or three years is actually a very long time to suffer such a malady and the earlier you get it treated the better. No wonder your studies are affected because of this prolonged disorder of over-thinking. Try methods such as relaxation/ meditation and yoga where you learn to ‘still’ the mind of all thoughts. Try to think positive thoughts as much as you can. Sit in the company of happy and positive people of your age and do not sit alone as the thoughts may increase while alone. Indulge in sports and games and be active. If all this doesn’t please do not hesitate to seek counselling.
Q. I am 20 years old and in a relationship. He had a girlfriend before me and see us my friend he booked up even she but still she continues talking to him and she know about our relationship but ignores and continue talking to him like his girl-friend. She even abuses him but he listens and I have to suffer. I said to say her about us he is not and talks to her like she want or he is her boyfriend. I can’t control my feelings and can’t concentrate on studies. Please advise.
Ans. This is a tricky situation. Your boyfriend continues to chat with his ex-girlfriend and this bothers you. What is it that bothers you? Do you feel he will get back to her or that he will cheat you behind your back or are you jealous of her and cannot manage your emotions? Are you afraid of losing him and therefore suffer. I would suggest that you control your emotions, try to figure things out within yourself and allow this situation to go on for some more time. You will soon realise your limitations and your levels of tolerance and would help you take a decision to continue or quit. Till then do not suffer but look at the situation from a rational and objective perspective so that you prepare your mind for the future course of action.
Q. Something is not okay with my husband. He gets angry with small issues and tries to beat me. he abuses me too and I am now worried for my future. I have a child and have been married for five years. He problem was small earlier and now has become bigger and worse. I tried talking to his mother and father and they say that he is a good person and that I should not make him angry. They say that I should do as he says and I should keep him pleased and happy. What should I do?
Ans. You should not tolerate an abusive relationship for the violence will not stop but will escalate if you do not retaliate and scare him. You should worry about your future for you have a child to take care of and domestic violence impacts the mental health of children as well as adults. It will impact your personality as well gradually. You cannot go on pleasing the husband endlessly –he also has responsibilities which he should take on and also be responsible for his own behaviour. You cannot be blamed for his violence- this logic is nonsensical and absurd. He is responsible for his behaviour and report him to the “bharosa” cell of the police if the violence does not stop. You should seriously try ‘marriage counselling’ before you take matters to the police door.
Q. I m 21 years old guy. I am very shy and I cannot talk to people Even when I m in the class I always feel weird and because of it I sit alone. Nobody in my class comes to talk to me. I feel that I will die alone please suggest me something I want some friends .I want to have good social skills. There is one girl in my class whom I really like and I have feelings for her, whenever I see her I become happy. I wish I could talk to her. Help me so that I can finally talk to her.
Ans. Shyness is a behavioural weakness which needs to be tackled soon and learning of social skills is imperative. Otherwise you will go on suffering alone without making friends and eventually get depressed. One way is to smile at whoever you meet and say ‘hello’. Just smile and let the other do the talking. You could ask a question to begin with and be a good listener. A few systematic training sessions will solve the problem. You could contact my office for that. It can be overcome actually and should be done for leading a happy life.