“Trauma of dysfunctional parents”- 30 June 2013


Q.  I’m a graduating engineering student. I’m really disturbed at home due to my father’s behavior. Though I hail from an affluent family but still my father is very complaining, aggressive and prefers cheapness everywhere compromising quality and standards of a material or service. He is a miser of money. He thinks all what he does is right. He is aware we can afford but doesn’t put things into practice. Only promises but no output. He doesn’t talk politely. He consumes liquor very often and his occupation lies in a noisy environment. Whenever it comes to homely work, he gets angry easily spills his frustration over us. I like that fact he cares for my education because I always study and put up good results but I wept several times, went to my Mom who is very supportive to the previous facts but she was helpless as she can’t dominate over him. After a quarrel, I’m not talking to him at all. I feel to leave my house, run away somewhere where I get peace of mind. Please help, it’s my vacation time so that I can decide. Should I shift to a hostel?

Ans. You are right about being grateful to your father about him caring for your education. It is best to count your blessings and leave the rest. He is certainly not providing a good example nor providing a good peaceful atmosphere at home to you all for growth and development. However you are endowed with many good qualities of intelligence and wise head and are able to discriminate the good from the bad. The hostel is a brilliant idea so that you can concentrate on your engineering studies. At some point one must learn to get independent from parents and lead one’s own life. It is also important to thank them for all that they have done for you and to forgive them for what damage they have done to you. This is a good time to begin to get on your own. Best of luck!


Q. I am a standard 12th pass out with PCB. I gave various medical entrances but I am not sure about them. I always wanted to become a doctor. I have no idea what am I supposed to do now. I want to pursue MBBS but now my parents are telling me to look for some other field. Please suggest me something.
Ans. You could opt for the paramedical subjects like physiotherapy, or even dental. Another option would be to do Biotechnology and get into genetics. If you want more options than this I would suggest you come for career counselling so that we can properly discuss it across the table. You could bring your parents along as well for the session. There are many career options for you which you may not be open to currently. Do not despair –you can make a success with many or any careers.

Q. I am in love with a guy who keeps changing his mind repeatedly. He sometimes says he loves me and sometimes just vanishes for days and weeks. I am totally confused as to how to deal with this situation. He wants to marry me he says and he loves me a great deal. But I am not sure what to do. Please help me decide what is my situation in his life.

Ans. If the guy is so fickle minded he will probably keep changing his mind his whole life and never decide. He may be commitment phobic or indecisive as a personality trait or he is cheating you and passing his time. Either way you are going to suffer as you look for settlement. One way is to give him a deadline and then say goodbye. There is no other way.



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