“Treat the mind as soon as possible”-22 January 2012


Q. I am in a dare situation where one of my friend’s seven years old marriage is at all time low. Followings are the manifestation of the associated problems.

(a)  Usage of abusive language to wife. (b) Use of physical force on wife on flimsy grounds. (wife is relatively not smart in house- holds chores).(c) Flip flop behavior at home. (d) Disinterested on his child. (e) Extensive worshiping. (f)   Largely inclined to his parents view points. Please Advice.

Ans. This seems to be a case of mental disturbance. All the symptoms that you mention clearly indicate that the guy has serious disturbances. He should be taken for psychological counselling and medicine if suggested. Besides violence is an unlawful act and criminal proceedings could be started against him by his wife. But if we know that he has a mental disease as well then he should be coaxed and threatened with police action so that he takes treatment. Give him a choice of legal action or counselling and let him decide. Most probably he will agree for marriage counselling for fear of jail. He will improve once he is treated psychologically.


Q. I am a 12th class student. Recently I and my friend had a small fight and she started to avoid me and ignore me completely. She is not even talking to me. It is hurting me and I am unable to concentrate on my studies. What should I do?

Ans. You should wait and be patient. The more you run after her she might avoid you. Give her breathing space and let her decide what is right and wrong. Sometimes a small fight can be significant to hurt the other. Review and retrospect your own behaviour in the fight and find out if there was a demeaning or hurting statement by you. You could apologise for your behaviour and assure her that you will not repeat it. That might help.


Q. I am 38 years old. For last one month I am suffering from a very different situation. Negative thoughts are coming to my mind that I can’t express, very frequent mood swings, some time very negative energy occupying my mind that are becoming very difficult to control. After sometimes it becomes ok. But again after some period again these negative thoughts occupy my mind and become very difficult to control. Generally my behavior is normal outside but I am struggling inside. Please tell me how to control my thoughts to be positive. Or whether it is a big problem? Sometime I feel whether I am getting abnormal or sick. I shall be very grateful for your counselling.

Ans. Yes, you must consult a psychologist as soon as possible. The earlier you rid yourself of negativity the better. Keeping things prolonged without treatment can worsen them. If the problem vanishes within a few days or weeks, say a month, then it is fine. Sometimes troubles come and go away. If they persist beyond a reasonable time then you should seek help and get it cured. If they are untreated they multiply and begin to disturb your normal functioning in daily tasks. People with chronic negativity may become dysfunctional or deficit in their workplace or family life or overall wellbeing. So ‘a stitch in time saves nine’ they rightly say. There are many things that can go wrong with the mind and it is difficult to make a diagnosis without meeting you or talking to you. Different types of problems are there and many of them can lead to negative thoughts. An accurate assessment needs to be done before we offer treatment and advice so that it is effective.

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