“Unrealistic expectations are harmful”- 19 April 2015.
Q): I am a 15-year-old girl, the only child of my parents. I have always been a confident, popular and happy child. I ranked first till standard 9, but now, as I’m promoted to standard 10, weird thoughts have started clouding my mind. I can concentrate on my studies, but when I sit down for it, a fear of not standing up to my mom’s expectations grips me. She wants to see me among the top 10 meritorious students of the country, which I think, is not an achievable task. I am good at writing, which my friends and teachers have also confirmed, after reading my poems and short stories. But my parents want to see me as an IITian, the field I’m not interested in. Amidst all this, there is a guy, who loves me a lot, and to whom, I had sub-consciously said yes last year. He is a good student and ranks between 3 and 4, but his studies have been declining from the time our relationship began. Soon I realised my mistake and tried to move on, but he did not let me. Now, I want to get rid of him because I think he can affect my studies. Though he loves me and cares for me, he doesn’t like me talking to other guys and is very possessive. Other class toppers are boys and I mostly discuss studies and other academic matters with them, which he does not like. He threatens me of committing suicide (which he had tried once). His parents know of our relationship and so I had asked them to help me out of this. They offered help and he had backed away, but that didn’t last for long. He cried and convinced me to come back. But now I want to get away from him permanently. I can’t hurt him later, when he gets to know that I don’t love him. Please help me in this matter.
A): There are two issues bothering you – one is your choice of career and second is the boy that is after you emotionally. As far as career is concerned, please come for an aptitude test as well as career guidance with your parents, as we could convince them of the best choice for you, which take into account your aptitude, interest areas as well as your personality. That is the best way. About the boy, you will have to tell him that you are not interested in him and seek help of a classmate or friend to tell him how you feel about it. If he threatens you just ignore it and be firm in your decision.
Q): I am a BE final year student. I loved a girl 3 years ago, whom I proposed and got rejected. It took me almost 3 years to get over that phase of depression. But now, since the last one year, the scenario has changed. I like every girl I come in contact with. Though there are no strong feelings, I find myself involved in flirting with each girl, who talks to me. All my friends are telling me to get rid of this ‘flirtatious’ attitude, but what is my fault if I like so many girls at a time? I want a girl, who’ll love me back and I am searching for the right girl in this way! Am I wrong in my approach? What should I do?
A): Well, I am not sure if this is the best way to find a girl of your choice who will love you too. If your friends are advising you to stop this flirting behaviour then you should pay heed to them, for it may ultimately spoil your reputation and then people lose faith and trust in you. Flirting can be light-hearted and harmless and can be indulged in once in a while, but if it involves false promises and cheating and if it hurts the other, then it becomes unacceptable and unethical behaviour. Anything immoral will not only hurt others but you as well in the long run. So get back to being a good human being and believing in yourself and others. Just because one girl rejected you, does not mean all girls will. You will find the girl of your choice one fine day. Be positive.