“Volunteering is a great engagement”- 17 June 2018.

NM

Q. I am a 18 year old boy and have not done well in my NEET exam. It was my childhood desire to become a doctor and make my parents proud of me. What should I do? Should I take a drop and appear again next year or should I do another course? I am very confused and my parents are very unhappy. They don’t trust me anymore and feel I should not waste my time. They are not supporting me. It is partly my fault as I did not study hard enough. Please suggest best possible way.

Ans. It all depends on many factors- how serious are you about your preparations, what sort of a student are you- are you a high scorer or an average scorer, are your parents angry because you threw away an year due to your negligence and so many more questions. Ask yourself honest questions and then give honest answers to them. If you still think you can achieve a hundred percent success in the next attempt by giving your hundred percent effort, then go for away. If the probability of passing is low or moderately successful then don’t go for another year. Only if the probability is very high you should take the burden of an extra year, otherwise listen to your parents and chose another course of study. Come for a session if still confused. Let me evaluate the condition.

VS

Q. I am a happily retired man and have worked hard all my life. I have enough money and economic security not to worry about anything. My only problem is that I lost my wife a year ago and I am not able to adjust to her loss. She was a good lady and I never thought she would pass away so suddenly. I have one son and he lives abroad with his family. I visit him but I like to come back to my home and country. I tried taking a small job but soon left it. I tried making friends but that too is not my nature. I used to read a lot but now done feel like reading. I just thought I will write to you before meeting you. If it is necessary I will meet you.

Ans. Yes, losing a spouse at this age is difficult as children make their own careers and life. This feeling of loneliness is not a good feeling to harbour for too long. You seem to be still in grief with the loss of your wife and have not adjusted to her absence. I am not saying it is easy but one year is good enough to make some alterative adjustment in life. Joining a club or pursuing a hobby could be an option. Getting involved in social work can be another option. Volunteering is an important channel of being creatively engaged and you could scan for organisations that want volunteers with experience. Senior citizens are of immense value due to their experience and wisdom and can occupy themselves fruitfully. I can see some minor symptoms of depression that can creep in slowly unnoticed in such a situation. A visit may be of benefit to you as we can help you make meaningful adjustments in your life.

K.P

Q. My child has been watching wrong things on his mobile. We realised this recently and have been upset with it. He also had a girlfriend in school and that was also brought to our notice by his teacher. Now and then he is troubling with his behaviour as we hear of this and that. He was a good boy till 7 Std and now it worries me what has happened to him and his nature. He remains irritated and low mood. I have not told his father about his habit for fear that he will get very angry. My husband has a bad temper and can fly off the handle. He cannot counsel a child. He gets bad with his anger. I don’t know if I should reveal this to my son that I know what he is doing or should I keep quiet. I really don’t know the best way to handle him. Looking for advice.

Ans. The best thing to do is to confront him one day and tell him that you know what he has been doing and that he should stop it immediately. Tell him that so far you have not told his father and will not if he behaves well. Warn him that if he does not reform himself you will have to report matters to his father for he finds out later he will be very furious. Ask him if he feels depressed and would like to talk to a counsellor. If he agrees you should bring him for a few sessions. Wrong habits and a broken friendship can lead to some form of depression. He might need help and will certainly feel better by unburdening his mind. Do not hesitate to give him a slight push for counselling. It is for his betterment and good health.