“Be aware of your emotional needs”- 15 March 2015.
Q): I am studying in high school and I am in love with a guy from my own batch. He was in a relationship with a girl a year ago, but now they’ve broke up. I told him that I love him, but he did not respond to it, though he has been nice to me. He was being a bit rude of late, but has now come back to normal. Despite being in love with him, my performance in studies is very good. I want to win his attention. Please suggest ways in which I can do that.
A): He seems to be having mood swings as you say that he was nice for some time, a bit rude and then normal. That is how it is when two people break up and go through stressful times. You should keep being nice to him and talk of cheerful things like a friend and not mention your emotions of love for him. Since he has just had a break up, he may not be in a mood to get into another relationship so fast. So just chill; be sweet and nice and helpful to him if he wants, but do not overdo it. Let him feel relaxed in your company. That will be the first step towards friendship. I am glad your performance is good in studies and that means you have a strong head and are balanced. Keep it up!
Q): I am in the final year of BA. I’ve been a good student till standard 12, but now I am unable to concentrate on anything. Actually my life is one big mess. When I was in school, a guy ruined my image, despite which, I behaved well with him. I did not know his intentions at that time when he proposed to me. I was infatuated by him but got to know him a bit too late! I trusted him a lot. I do not stay in a very open atmosphere at home, due to which, I couldn’t tell my parents about him. They came to know about my relationship with him from outsiders and that was the day they last trusted me. Despite all that I kept talking to him. But he ruined my image to such an extent that I lost trust in everybody and considered them my enemy. After this incident, another guy came into my life. I knew he was not the right person for me, yet I fell for him in standard 12. After 3 years, I broke up with him and was terribly lonely. Then, a school friend, with whom I did not talk much, approached me. He confessed his love to me and we got into a relationship. Recently, I came to know that he is cheating on me. I tried to convince him to tell me the truth, but he did not give in. Later, I got to know about him but it was too late again. I have been in love with him so religiously, that it has become impossible for me to forget him. He said he was in love with another girl previously and had given her time till he finished his engineering. He is a year younger to me. Now he says he loves me and wants to break up with that girl but is waiting for that to happen till his studies are over. What should I do about this? I’m frustrated and feel like killing myself. I’m depressed and unable to concentrate on anything. I’m fed up with life; should I meet you for help?
A): Yes I think you should meet me. You have emotional needs that lead you into one or the other relationships that are harmful to you. You tend to get cheated by all the guys you have met so far as I think you must be overly emotional and get carried away by their smooth talk. You seem to be gullible and naive and the guys take advantage of that. You need to cut off from all these guys as they are just passing time with you without being serious and sincere. Trust is the most important thing in friendship otherwise it is a waste of energy and time. You would need to explore your mind and its needs and understand yourself better. You need to become aware of your weaknesses and your strengths and work on them to gain more control on your mind and behaviour. A few sessions of counselling will be helpful.