“Parents can be part of the problem”- 8 March 2015.
S.M
Q): I am currently pursuing my MCA from a reputed college in Nagpur. My problem is that the guy I had a crush on for two years, has suddenly cut off all contacts with me. This happened last year, when he said he didn’t want to talk me anymore. I was very hurt because I had become emotionally attached to him and also because he had confessed his feelings for me, which I had begun to reciprocate. But after he suddenly severed ties, I feel betrayed and hurt and since then I am not able to get over it. I lost my focus and concentration on studies and no matter how hard I am trying, I miss him a lot. I want to come out of this mess and focus on my career. I tried talking to my friends but it’s not helping me in any way. Please suggest ways to get out of this pain.
A): It’s great that you want to come out of your current situation and focus on your studies and career. It is a pity that he is behaving so strangely. If he had a problem with you or the friendship, he should have had the courage to confront you and tell you and explain his position. You are right in feeling betrayed by him as he did say he loved you and all that. But now you have seen the negative side of him. Please remember that people show parts of their personality slowly and the negative side takes time to show up. In the beginning, people show only their positive side. He is certainly not a good fellow and does not deserve much attention. Forget him and move on with life. Try to mingle with your friends and spend quality time with them. Try to keep yourself busy and concentrate on your career and goals of life.
XYZ
Q): I am not able to concentrate on studies. These days I day dream a lot and don’t even like to meet my friends or hang out with them. I’m in the second year of BE, in a good college. I had been a very good student until last year. But this year, my performance has gone down. What should I do in such a situation? I don’t know where to seek help from. My parents keep yelling at me and that makes me more depressed. My mind goes blank whenever I sit down to study. Please help me.
A): There could be a number of reasons for your mental state. It is not very clear what is bothering you and why you are experiencing these changes. The symptoms mentioned of loss of concentration, day dreaming and loss of desire to meet friends has many reasons. I am unable to comprehend the main reasons for these symptoms. Firstly, keep your mind calm, keep your thoughts positive and fully focus on studies. A few sessions of counselling will help you sort out your problems and put your mind to functioning well. Please do not delay for a stitch in time saves nine.
Q): I am worried about my 13-year-old daughter’s habits. She has no sense of time and has started lying. Earlier, she was a good student, but now, she does not care if she passes or fails. She is on social media and chats with her friends. I don’t know whether she is friends with males or females on the sites, for she has locked it and does not allow me into it. She hides things from me. This is troubling me and my husband a lot and we are unable to decide on a particular treatment for her. We have lost all hope and have tried ways to correct her, but failed. Will counselling help?
A Mother
A): This is serious, for she seems to be going on the wrong path and becoming too rebellious. From a good student she is becoming careless, and is becoming addicted to social sites and friends. This has to be checked, and soon enough, before she further declines and gets into wrong behaviour. According to you, she has already started telling lies, which is a dangerous symptom. If you have tried everything in your capacity and have failed, then it is time to put your daughter through the process of counselling for some sessions. We deal with such problems routinely and children do respond positively to it. Many times unknowingly and unwittingly, parents are part of the problem. And therefore cannot be part of the solution.
