Q. I am 15 years old female who is in tenth standard. I am in a good school. I was very confident with myself before but now as we are hitting puberty I am not satisfied with the way I look. I have dark skin, olive kind of skin tone. My friends tease me by different names. I know that they mean nothing and they are just fooling with me but I feel very hurt whenever someone picks me for my colour. I do not feel beautiful in my own skin. Part of me is always sad and insecure. I do not even talk to boys in my class thinking that they will not like me or talk to me because I have dark skin. I am very ashamed to go in family parties and functions. I want to be fair and good looking. I tried many creams which my mom uses but nothing is working and I am still the same. Please help me what should I do to gain some confidence and feel good about myself.
Ans. This is an unfortunate stereotype created and perpetuated by our society and culture. It gets reinforced by the cosmetic industry. It is also a hangover of our colonial past. We need to be proud of our skin colour whether light brown or dark brown. Indians are called ‘browns’ the world over and that is fine. Be proud of your skin colour and change your thinking. Be positive about yourself. Build your confidence and your skills in different areas. You are just a student and have a long way to go. Make a great career for yourself and be proud of yourself. In most careers ‘physical looks’ don’t matter and are required in very few careers. Do not be surprised if I tell you that the highest paid ‘model’ in the world today is a ‘black’ woman, which means she is an African American!
Q. I am 22 years old female. I am very addicted to Music. As soon as I get up I listen to songs till the time I go to sleep. I almost listen to music in my home, car or around friends. Because of this I miss half of the conversation which people are talking on. My exams are coming soon in the month of April. I started studying but then again whenever I open my book I want to listen to music. It is troubling me now. I cannot concentrate because I keep on mumbling words of songs. I do not know what to do to quit this awful habit .I want to start studying soon. Please guide me with some tips.
Ans. Keep your radio, mobile, whatever you use to listen to music, under lock and give the key to your mother. Do away with the instrument itself if you have poor self control. Giving it up for just one month will be worth it. You could try the ‘one day at a time’ technique which is used by alcoholic and smoker addicts. In this technique, tell yourself that ‘you will not listen to music today’ and let the day pass. Say this again the next day and the subsequent days. These are setting short term goals and achieving them. Try it.
Q. I am 27 years old guy and I am dating a girl from last 5 years. I always thought she will be the one whom I marry but she said she does not want to get married now. Now she is moving to Madrid and we have to breakup because of work. I do not know what to do. I cannot be in long distance relationship. I cannot leave her also. I tried to distract my mind I tried being with other ladies but I cannot do it. I think she is only one. I cannot be with other girls or see her with other guy. I am very confused about what to do. I cannot leave my family and go. I still want things to work out for us but then I am scared of it doesn’t then I do not want to fight with her or anything. What to do now?
Ans. This is truly an unfortunate situation. However it is best not to get worried about it but to see how life behaves with you. Even if she moves to another country you could keep in touch with her with an open and friendly mind and gradually you could adjust your mind to her going away. Situations like this are really difficult to handle in a simple way and there is no formula to manage it. It is strange that she should break the commitment after five long years but life is like this- very unpredictable and stranger than fiction. Drain your emotions by various methods and after some time find someone to marry and settle with. It could be arranged by your parents. It is better to be in a committed relationship than being alone and suffering.