Q. My problem is I have a female friend and as a friend I love her very much. She was in a relationship with a boy in class 9th class then due to some reason they broke up and after that he was so aggressive, he literally used kind of bad words for her after that, again after a year or so they had an affair but that also came to an end and again he reacted the same way now my friend approached him and wants them to have friendship with him and I know she likes him and friendship will end up in a relationship. Problem is that I am scared if this time also if it doesn’t work, he again will be aggressive at her, she also know this but don’t try to understand, it can be bad for her. Also whatever evidence he can collect he keeps them with him to use them for torturing in future like photo’s text call recording I feel he will make use of it and hurt her badly, it’s not safe for her future please help me what can I do. Thank you.
Ans. This is unfortunate for the girl as she does not understand that the boy has an aggressive personality and will always be like that for a fairly long time unless he wants to change. Personality traits generally do not change easily. Girls who do not understand the psychological part of human nature and behaviour land into bad relationships due to their own compulsions and emotional needs thus making wrong choices leading to suffering. You can at the most warn her and leave her to decide. You could also act as a supportive friend whenever she is in trouble. That is the best you can do. You could also bring her for a session for consultation and guidance.
Q. I’m a frequent reader of your column in Hitavada. I need a bit of help through my studies.
I’m naturally good at studies and my score is usually just as wanted in all subjects. However, from last two years, my grade has been falling down. I find it difficult to concentrate. I know my aptitude but I’m not able to perform in its accordance. I find myself more interested in animated TV shows. I’m also good at writing stories and drawing animations. My parents want me to study hard and achieve place in IIT. But I have other goals. I do want to become an IIT-ian as their wish but at the same time, I want to be a graphic designer in animations and other comical arts. I’m good at studies but I’m more passionate about animations. I feel like if I do not do IIT and become a graphic designer instead, it would be a waste of my talent. I have discussed about being a graphic designer to my parents and they do agree but they insist on finishing IIT first. They say I can become anything I want to be, let it be a singer, actress, athlete or writer. But in any case, IIT should be my first priority. I’m in tenth and I do realize that if I do not act soon, time might get wasted and my talent would be more of wastage. Please help.
Ans. Career is made keeping three aspects in mind: one is your aptitude in the specific field; two is your interests and three is your personality factors. Success and greatness is achieved only when all the three factors converge and the person works hard to achieve good results. Society places high value on some courses/degrees/institutions and low value on many other degrees which is totally unnecessary and irrational. Society forgets that the individual is more important and supreme than the degree or the institute! The degree courses and the institutes are made for the benefit of the individual and not vice versa. When a wrong choice is made in such a fashion the individual gets sacrificed at the altar of society’s false ego and irrationality. The moral of the story is that you should be allowed to make your own choice and follow your own dreams. You could suggest career counselling to your parents where systematic guidance is done with the help of psychometric tests.