Q. I am 24 years old female and I have a problem I now feel. I am somehow interested in different guy’s which is the reason I cannot be in loyal with one single guy for a very long time. I don’t know what to do and what are the things which can help me to become a better person. I know what I am doing is not right and I should change my behaviour and whatever I do is not right. I was eight years old when I was physically assaulted by my uncle. I think I need some serious help to get over this problem.
Ans. You are bold in writing about a problem of this nature. I realise that more number of girls and young women are beginning to define their victimisation in childhood and understand that they were abused by adults whether in the family or by outsiders. Childhood abuse can have long term effects on the personality and arouse prematurely the adult passions. They also tend to make you inclined towards promiscuity which is happening to you unfortunately. You should seek counselling for a few sessions and get rid of this tendency which has developed in you. That it is beginning to bother you at this young age and you want to get rid of it is a good sign. Such tendencies do interfere in your life and especially after marriage when conflicts begin to occur due to such behaviour that destabilises the marriage. No spouse likes infidelity and diversions. They are not healthy for either the spouse or the children. Get rid of it through counselling and therapy.
Q. I am 21 year old guy who has completed graduation in Science B.Sc. I would like to do my MBA from somewhere abroad and then I want to work in Middle East. I know that it will pay me less but at least I will be happy alone. I want to do this but still I am very confused and to be honest afraid of my future. My parents are also not happy with my decision. Help me with deciding more ideas please.
Ans. You seem to be unhappy about something in your home. There is more than one thing bothering you about your life. You want to go abroad for higher education is fine if your parents sponsor it otherwise you would need loan. Are you parents not happy about foreign education or working in Middle East, is not clear to me. If you need career planning and guidance then you need to visit me at least once for more details and clarity about your future aims and dreams. There is nothing to be afraid about the future- one has to plan and think through the plans in detail and systematically. It is also good to have more alternative and back up plans if the original one does not materialise successfully.
Q. My son seems to be addicted to some drug and I get a strong feeling that it may be weed. When he comes home his eyes are different and he drinks a lot of water all the time. He is not interested in studies and he is going down in his marks and bunks classes. He does not like to stay at home and he is always asking for money. He argues and fights with us and leaves home. We tried to restrict him from leaving home and he became angry and I have never seen him like that. His behaviour scared me and disturbed me and my husband. Please advice how should we help him.
Ans. Yes, addictions are common enough in the city and parents have to be watchful and careful about the sources of drugs and the network they operate in. You have not mentioned his age in your query. As you mention the symptoms of addiction do seem to be present in him, such as his eyes, his thirst, his growing demand for money, staying away from home, loss of interest in studies, decline in marks, getting angry if you obstruct his desires, and his growing extreme behaviour. You would require ‘force and threat’ to treat him either by a psychiatrist or a psychologist. He will not be willing to get treated voluntarily. Using of force or threat means stopping his money supply, taking the help of neighbours, relatives or the police is necessary. Threaten him that you will report the matter to the police and get him locked up for a week. Give him a choice to agree for treatment with a psychiatrist or go to jail. Be ready to protect yourself with a stick or something like that. Confront him only when you have planned out the details and are ready with your self defence and your plan of action. Just shouting and arguing with him daily will not work at all. You need a fool proof plan which you should execute smoothly.