“Do not reinforce the crush”- 13 May 2018.
Q. I am a 15 year old girl. I have a crush on my physics teacher who is also the vice-principal of my school. I have not shared my feelings towards him with anyone, because I am afraid that people would mock me. But these feelings are getting the better of my concentration. Even if I sit to study, I have his thoughts in my mind. Please help me.
Ans. This is interesting! At your age this is the beginning of the romantic stirrings and should be taken lightly. By lightly I mean you should consider it as a normal part of growing up and not take the feelings seriously. The word ‘crush’ is a good one for it means a passing fantasy and nothing more! You are a wise girl for you have not shared your feelings with him and never should do it. Just take it lightly and do not reinforce the thoughts and feelings by dwelling upon it. When we focus on something for too long it becomes reinforced and strengths and when we ignore something and divert our minds it goes away. If you tell yourself ‘it is just a stupid crush and passing feeling’ it will go away. If you tell yourself ‘he is wonderful, he is great, he is the best and I like him a lot’, the feelings will grow. So talk to yourself in a sensible manner and control the crush. Many crushes will come and go away with the wind. Find good company in your age, preferably girls, and have fun and enjoy your age!
Q. I was recently married and it has become a nightmare for me. All my hopes have been shattered. My husband has a bad temper and gets angry for simple things. My mother in law supports her son and my father in law just says nothing. I want to leave the situation but am afraid of society and my siblings. I have two younger sisters who are studying and will feel bad if I go back home to my parents. I wanted to work and earn my money but I was married off soon enough against my wishes. Please suggest me the right thing to do.
Ans. The right thing for you, considering your situation, would be to get to work and get out of the home. It will give your confidence besides the money and there will be a change in the attitude of your husband and family. Sometimes when the woman starts earning, there is a backlash from the family, for if they are dominating people, they will want to cow you down. They might assume that now you will go out of control and will not listen to them. It would be appropriate to maintain a low profile with your family and plead for allowing you to work and earn. If the situation gets worse you could try marriage counselling or moving away and living separately. Counselling helps the other side to be more rational and acts as a check against violence.
Q. I have appeared for my 10 Std Boards and am waiting for my results. Each day we are thinking what subjects should I take in 11 Std and we are getting more confused about matters. My parents think differently and want me to take science and prepare for IIT. I am not fit for it and have no interest in it. I wanted to do architecture or some other course in design or something. I love writing too and reading too. Please suggest me a good course to pursue and succeed. Please help me.
Ans. Confusion about career selection is a normal part of planning. The right thing to do is to know your aptitude as well as your personality and interest areas and do many rounds of systematic discussions at home with patience. Impatience and illogical thinking leads to errors in decision making and wrong choices for which becomes a costly affair in terms of failures, wastage of time and precious money. Discussions need to be done with an open mind and all members of the family can contribute. If you still have doubts, then the best way if get yourself assessed for an aptitude and personality and make the right choice. We have facility for online aptitude test which you can appear from the comfort of your home. Making a good choice today will lead to success and satisfaction in the long run. Wish you all the best!