“Change your perspective”- 19 May 2013

Shreya n.

Q. I am in big problem. I am not getting what I should I do mam. I am in 10th std and I have a boyfriend. I love him so much and he loves me too. Mam in April (2013) we smooched each other, it was our first kiss and from that time we never saw each other again till now. Mam in April after my period I kissed him but mam in month of May I am not getting period my date is gone and sometimes I get late period I am very tensed. I am not getting what to do mam. Please help me- do we become pregnant after smooching once? Please help me mam please I am very tensed and felling like suicide. I want your help mam please. Is it true mam or I am just thinking too much.

Ans. Smooching does not get one pregnant so you can immediately allay all your fears about getting pregnant and stop thinking about suicide. Irregular periods can be caused by tension and mental stress. But at the same time I would like to caution you that you should understand and be responsible for what you are doing as you are growing up and you should realise that your actions may have bad repercussions in life. Take good care of your body and mind. Remember we live for bigger and better goals in life.

Dr. Siddharth.

Q. I am a practicing doctor in rural. This question is about my friend’s son who is 30 years old is married, a father of a year old son and belongs to a well to do family. He is soft natured, do not get up before 11:00 am and is a graduate in arts and now a days doing nothing remarkable other than going to the farm fields and that too not very often. He takes alcohol but is not addicted to it but some time in very large quantity.  In the past he had taken very huge loans from his friends and money lenders and failed to pay back. His father and sometime his close relatives fulfilled his liabilities. Now his father has lost faith in him and is very disturbed and is very worried in terms his future. My question to you is, can we do something?

Ans. Yes we can. Show him or discuss the matter with a psychiatrist. Sometimes erratic behaviour can be caused due to depression or mania. Changes in mood can lead to instability in behaviour. It is also probable that he has what we call ‘behavioural problem’ or ‘personality disorders’. These types of problems need regular counselling and psychotherapy and do not require medications. It means his habits are wrongly set and he needs to rectify them through persuasion and support. He father should also take some steps in a positive direction by stopping his financial support and encourage him to feed his family. Make him responsible for his actions and do not indulge or tolerate his bad behaviour.


Q. I am regular reader of your articles in Hitvada. I run my business which is in residential area, my problem is started nearly years ago I saw my neighbours wife and I attracted to her. In a period of that year I never remove her in my mind and disturbed my entire business concentration, I never propose/say anything to her because some fear that she is childless married woman. I also a married man. How can I remove her in my heart /mind I don’t understand? I exercised lot of efforts to do so in a certain manner. Please help me mam.

Ans. Your mind seems to be obsessed with the woman. You seem to be distressed about the inability to throw out her image from your mind. I am glad you feel restrained and afraid of the consequences of indulging in such behaviour as you are married and so is she. Her being childless does not matter in such a situation. Think of her as a taboo and inhibit your mind to even think of her. Think of her as another man’s wife and your sister perhaps. That might help. Do not think of forbidden fruit. Change your perspective.


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