“Choose wisely” 24 December 2023.


Q. I am a mother of 2 children, one 4 and one 6 years of age. While the elder one is a so- called normal boy, the younger one is hyperactive.  He is not only restless and super-charged at all times, but is also loud and attention seeker it seems. He wants every one’s attention and if he doesn’t get it, he will go speaking loudly to draw attention. There are no serious complaints from school yet but he is being observed by the teachers. He easily makes friends and fights with them too. I fear that slowly he will become isolated and without friends. How to help him grow normally and be calmer. Please suggest.

Ans. Any child that shows signs of hyperactivity may also have symptoms of impulsivity and attention deficit which begin to show up as challenges in education. Of- course you can always consult a psychologist and get your child assessed for the same. But there is no hurry for that at the moment for if there are no complaints from school yet, you can wait. Hyperactive children must be given opportunities for extra play and time must be made for it. Also structured games will be better than just ‘playing around’ with children in the neighborhood. Games played in formal settings with a coach and other children, teaches them many skills, such as, discipline, team-work, cooperation, accepting defeat and failures and social friendships. If his anger is increasing then martial arts can be a good choice. To begin with ask the child what game or sport he would like to play and enroll him in that.


Q. My parents are looking for a groom for me. We have hunted for many boys but no one seems to be the ‘perfect one’. I am getting irritable and angry with my parents at home and at work too. My work is suffering and I am doing very well in my career with a strong future ahead. I am afraid that a wrong choice of man may ruin my future career and my personal life too.  My job is a priority and most men want a woman who can take care of home and career too.  The expectations scare me and I say no to them. My parents are also showing frustration and disappointment with me. They know me and my career prospects and my seriousness and support me but they wonder and worry for my future too. Are there some guidelines for choosing the best person? Please help me.

Ans. This is definitely not an easy task and an ‘arranged marriage’ is full of uncertainties and surprises. But still you can make a checklist of qualities you want in the gentleman and ask him the queries. Similarity of cultures, background, lifestyles, belief systems and values and future goals can be points to consider. Temperament such as, aggressiveness, expressiveness, extroverted or introverted, social interactions, family values, can be good points to check out. Even if differences are there but the acceptance of it with mutual respect can lead to mutual understanding and compatibility. It requires serious discussions with an open mind and open communication with honesty. Knowing what you are looking for is the first requisite. Another alternative is to take a session with a psychologist who has the knowledge and the skill.

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