“Control your heart with your head”- 22 September 2013

AP

Q. I am an engineering graduate. I don’t have a job currently and is confused about my future. I am facing lot of problem in concentrating my mind on one thing. I feel very depressed often and wish to give up everything. I am in a relationship with someone I can’t live without him but my family. I can’t go against them also. He is a very nice guy but not of my caste but at times I am not satisfied with the relationship also. So its family pressure, relationship, job, career and everything. How to handle it?

Ans. You should get into a job whatever it may be. Working and earning will make you feel better. Sitting at home unemployed makes people frustrated, stressed and sick eventually. Do not be fussy and choosy about the job, just take whatever you get in the marketplace and start earning some money. Of course you would need to plan your future career path very thoughtfully and you may come for a session on career guidance. The relationship need not be of a level of commitment, you could keep him as a good friend and nothing more if there are going to be serious issues at home due to caste differences. Deal with one thing at a time and the priority should be to work somewhere. Work heals and especially since you are technically qualified you need to use your intelligence and abilities in a good way.

VD

Q. I am an engineering graduate. I am preparing for PG exam. I am in a relationship with a boy for more than two and half years. But I have a friend whom I liked before committing to this relationship and he also liked me. But because one of my best friend she thought that this guy is not good I believed her and moved onto different relationship.(which I am into right now)  And from that time we reduced our talks. But in the starting of 2013 however we started talking again and from April of this month I started feeling for him. Now I am all confused because I can’t throw him away out of mind. And I don’t want to hurt my present boyfriend.  Help me out.
Ans. This forms a triangle! This dilemma is very troublesome for you and the other two. This triangle will need to be resolved by you and you alone as you are stuck with two boys who reciprocate too. Explore your mind and find out whom you like better or best and also find out who will be a better person in the long run as a life partner. If you cannot analyse your mind we can help you with pre-marriage counselling. We conduct personality tests to know the compatibility quotient for both of you. When you make a final choice one will be hurt anyway so that is not an area of concern for you, for your future is more important to you and you have the right to make the right choice.

SC

Q. How do I overcome emotional problems because I am sensitive person and coward. Recently I chatted with Alia Bhatt and learnt a lot from her. But what should I do to have strong heart from a tender heart?

Ans. The more you protect yourself from vulnerabilities you will continue to remain tender. If you expose yourself to life’s experiences and take calculated risks you will become stronger. The heart needs to be toughened with experience and good thoughts. When you have emotional problems think through them logically and rationally. Try to understand your emotions and control them with your head. The heart has to be controlled with the head and made tougher. Of course continue to feel with your heart but lead your life with your head and not heart. In other words taking decisions and solving problems should be done with clear objective thinking. If you cannot help yourself come for counselling.