“Counseling helps gain insight into self”- 11 September 2011

G. L

Q. I am victim of a borderline wife. I am married some months back. I was in dilemma for marriage but her love pulled me for it and that was my mistake to get married. My dilemma ended after marriage. She was crazy and was not taking any issue on the terms of rationality. The doctor said that she has borderline trait but don’t have borderline disorder. I don’t like her now and feel reluctant to make up with her. I am unable to accept her as a wife. I am confused in should I stay with her or not. Some- times I think of suicide due to my wife. Only 2 factors is compelling me to stay with her- one – divorce is very difficult for men and second is as she says she love me a lot and will follow my wishes whole life. What should I do? I am with obsessive personality and under medications since last many years. My disorder is totally under control. I am medico by profession.

Ans. If possible please come for consultation or take an appointment for tele-counseling if you live in another city. Such decisions are not easy and you will need to consider all the aspects with a calm mind. Meanwhile besides the medicines both of you should go for counseling for your marriage problems as well as for the issues related to your individual personalities. Counseling can help tremendously in gaining insight into one’s behavior and controlling it.

Raman N
Q. I am very confused in my life because I love my classmate girl but am afraid to propose her in school time. But suddenly she came in my contact after ten years as a married woman even though we talk to each other daily and she tell all facts of her life in between I proposed her but she didn’t get angry with me and agree to kept same relation with me but suddenly what happened she ignore me I don’t understood and break up the relation so in such condition please show me right path.

Ans. Since she is now married she may not like to get close to you in any way. Friendship is fine but you proposing her is not a proper thing to do. She may not have felt anger as she has not shown any anger to you, but her mind tells her to be cautious of you and hence she withdraws from you. She is acting in her own interest and that’s the wisest thing to do. You must check your emotions and do the right thing. If you are not married, then get married and if you are married then it would be appropriate to focus on your spouse and your marriage! She has already taken the first step to withdraw and you must do the same.

Nikhil K

Q. Actually I am in relationship with girl but I am unable to forget her past- she had an affair and was having bad friendship circle.

Ans. You have only two choices- if you like the girl and trust her now, then forgive her for her past and accept her. If you do not trust her or if your mind does not allow you to forgive her past, then get out of the friendship. Make a clean break of it. You could inform her about your mental condition and your decision. Living in confusion and in a dilemma is not good for you or for her. You only add to your misery, pain and stress.

H. C

Q. I am a 11th bio- science student. I am undergoing a very serious problem from the last 2 years. I have completely lost my interest in studies. Whenever I decide to study a particular subject and after sometime when I sit to study that I don’t feel like studying and then I start doing useless thing instead of studying. There is lot of pressure from my parents and I ought to fulfil that. My exams are near and due to this problem I get distracted from studies. Please help me madam to get out of this situation.

Ans. Please come for a session with me for you do not give enough data on your problems. There has to be some reason for the loss of interest in studies. There could be many possible explanations and we need to examine all of them. The problem could be with the choice of subjects, your home conditions, or your own personality.