“Failure is traumatic”- 18 September 2011


Q. O ne and half years ago I was good, positive, exciting and a funny boy. I
used to do studies with all the fun and enjoyment in life. But last year I failed in first year exam of engineering and my confidence drastically got down, negative thoughts got space in mind. It’s been a year has passed now and I have entered in 2nd year but still I didn’t find myself in me as I was earlier.
My confidence level I think is no more, I became fearful guy, more confused, don’t know how to regain myself, my attitude. Not a single day has passed without remembering of my failure. Please help me out.
Ans. Failure is always a traumatic experience which leaves a deep impact on good minds. Somebody used to failure might react differently but a good student will be hurt by it. Please find out if engineering is your line of career and you can enjoy the subjects and do well in it. The cause is important to know-whether you have the aptitude and did not study well enough or you do not have the aptitude but you did work hard or neither of the two is true. Instead of regretting the past it is wiser to get along with life. Forget the past, forgive your failure and think positive about your future. The most significant point is to maintain an optimistic attitude always.

S. W

Q. I’m 22year old and recently completed engineering. Generally I’m good at studies and does take care of work to be completed efficiently but on social front have a problem which I think should be taken care of before it gets too late. I generally get angry too often and very frequently (It has increased in recent times), even at times in anger I generally hurt the people around by my words which certainly creates a problem in due time. I feel bad thereafter and do apologies to the person, but the concern is I even hurt the people who I love a lot, it’s certainly not intentional. Even I got imposed upon by negative thoughts very often that generally drives me to depress situation.  Even I over-react to any situation as according to some people which makes a simple situation worse on any front. Even I always have fear (have dreams) of the losing the people whom I love a lot, even after when they say they are not going anywhere and will stay with me forever and due to such kind of fear don’t know why I over react a lead to a situation where these people leave me alone. Is there anything which can be done to control such type of emotional outburst? Please do reply

Ans. You seem to have some fears in your mind and lots of anger. There could be distortions in thought too. I would suggest you seek counseling for anger management and also for your fears. Such psychological problems can be taken care of very well by systematic methods of counseling. You would need a few sessions. You could contact me for an appointment if you please.


Q. I am terribly in love with a girl and she is the best person in the world I feel. But there are many problems in my life. I am not properly settled, not working in good job, she is better qualified than me and better looking than me. We are also different caste people and not sure if her parents will agree. I keep dreaming of her and lose sleep. She knows my feelings but we don’t talk to each other. What should I do? Please guide me.

Ans. You should work on your priorities in life. First, work on your employment opportunities by adding value to your degree and then getting a better job. Be serious about your career and your future. Concentrate fully on your career building. Secondly you could approach the girl though a friend and get to know her feelings. That would decide whether your dreams will bear fruit or not. Her feelings for you if negative or neutral will set you free! If they are positive then you could continue to see dreams and realize them too.

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