“Counselling is the safest method”
Q. My son had an accident a few months ago and he was bed ridden in the hospital for long time. After coming home he is normal according to the doctor but he remains unhappy and irritated. He seems to have lost confidence and is afraid of driving his two-wheeler and wants to be dropped by car everywhere. He is a college going boy and should be independent but is not. When we tell him to be independent, he gets irritated and shouts back and sits in his room with the door locked. He is angry with his friends too. I told him to go for counselling but he refuses. What to do to help him madam? Please guide me.
Ans. An accident of serious nature with months/weeks of hospitalisation can upset your set routine life and throw you off track. It takes time for the affected person to regain his confidence and routine. There are many complex emotions at play too in the mind. He could be angry with his friends if he is blaming them in his mind for the accident. He may be holding them responsible for not helping him in trouble, not visiting him in the hospital several times, not preventing the accident rather being responsible for his plight. He could be angry with parents for he may be displacing his anger onto to you! He seems depressed for many reasons. He must have lost out on his studies and if he has been a good student he must be worried about it. Please bring him for counselling. Coax him for only one session- we will take care of the rest. He will be fine after talking his heart out.
Q. I am a modern girl and likes to study and work hard. I find all these traditional festivals a waste of time and too boring. There is always something wrong that I will do and my mother-in-law will scold me for it and she begins to blame my parents which I don’t like. Have your parents not taught you this and that. My parents have given me good education and good career and they never forced me to do rituals and things on daily basis. My mother is a very religious person but she never forced me. My MIL wants me to learn all the nitty gritty of festivals and conduct them properly. I don’t have time and nor the inclination. My husband maintains a silence and quiet about it. He says nothing and asks me to deal with it. This tradition thing is creating a problem in my life and marriage too. Please guide me.
Ans. You could negotiate with your MIL by picking out a couple of festivals you like to celebrate such as Diwali, Navratri, Holi or anyone of your choice in the year. And inform her that you would like to celebrate only those few in the year. And none other will be your concern. After bargaining with her you could actually learn the rituals and the prayers appropriate for the occasion. You may show your initiative and enthusiasm in those selected few only. She may agree and she may not but there could be a healthy compromise. You could alternately ask her the most important ones for the family and narrow down the list to three or four in a year! Try it before you give up! Never give up in fact and keep trying to negotiate.
Q. Since few weeks I am having a strange headache. It starts from the front and goes around the head. I feel scared and restless too. I can’t sleep well at night and keep troubling my friends by calling them at night. They now feel I should see a doctor. I went to the doctor and he said it seems more mental and psychological than physical. I don’t have any mental problem -my life is good and nice. I have a new job and I am doing well. I work hard and get praised for it. My colleagues like me a lot and boost me. What could be wrong with me? Please tell me when to come for counselling.
Ans. If the doctor says it is psychological then it could be. Do not ignore the psychological aspects of life. Everything may appear fine on the surface but there may be deeper layers of the mind that are affected. Counselling is an easier and safer method than any medical method. There is not medicine involved and only a process of sharing your thoughts and feelings and your life, in a safe non-judgemental environment to explore your emotional turmoil and negative thoughts. A new job has its own challenges and you may be trying very hard to adjust and please your colleagues, and in the process harming yourself in a subtle manner. Come for a single session and experience it yourself. I wish you all the best.