“Depression may run in the family”
Q. I feel depressed and sad all the time. I lost my brother- he committed suicide last year. He was taking treatment and he was feeling better. Then what happened we don’t know. I keep thinking about him and why he did suicide. I am a graduate and working too. My parents fight a lot and my mother also remains depressed. My father keeps blaming my mother for the suicide of my brother. He says she did not care for him properly which is not true. My father is a problem actually. How to help my mother and father to stop fighting and be happy. I am not doing my job well although I am a serious person and want to do well in life. Please help me. I live far away and cannot come to Nagpur.
Ans. This is so sad to hear of the loss of your brother. During his treatment the family should have gone for counselling jointly. Family counselling is equally important as medicine. Only taking medicines for treatment of depression is a mistake- it has to be coupled with counselling. Your mother’s depression is worrisome too. And so is yours. Depression can run in the family and it may be coming from your mother’s side. Your father may be not understanding the disease of depression and how it impacts the mind and life in a general way. He may be frustrated with the symptoms of depression in the family and he fights and shouts in stead of understanding the disease and tackling it. It needs good handling and management of the disease can help keep it in check. I would advice all of you to come for a session or join in through tele-counselling. You could contact me on phone for details of tele-counselling. You should take the initiative and you will see the benefits.
Q. I have retired from job and sit at home whole day. My wife is still working on her job and has many more years. My daughter is married and settled in another city. I am well set in all ways but get bored and don’t know what to do and pass my time. I am not very friendly and don’t go out too much. I need to do something. My health is okay too. I have tried many things and nothing has worked. Please do I need to come for counselling? I am willing to take help and consult you if you say so.
Ans. Retirement is a major stage in life which needs proper thought and planning a few years in advance of retirement. Many people think they will ‘enjoy’ life after retirement but that is a myth. Most people who are healthy still, are well to do financially think they will look forward to the ‘freedom of time and discipline of routine’ but that is short-lived. Each one needs to know their own nature/personality and needs of the mind. If you have always been a hard-working person with no major hobbies, this stagnation and boredom sets in faster than you could imagine. You, actually have many choices in life but need to know which one will suit you and make you happy. A session of counselling will actually help you explore your own self, its needs and find a solution. Do call and take an appointment.
Q. I am not in love or anything like that but one man in my office troubles me all the time to spend time with him. He asks me for tea, coffee and outings. I have said no to him several times and he is not giving up. I am a happily married lady with one child who is a good boy. My husband too is a good man and cares for me -I cannot complain about anything in life. Then why my life is not smooth and why this is bothering me? I need to talk this out to someone and I cannot trust any one with this type of information. Please guide me properly.
Ans. You are right about everything you mention and we need to explore what is bothering your mind and what troubles you? You may be in some sort of dilemma and I would advise you to come for a session. Mean while do not give in to his demands and do not go out with him for anything. All complications begin in a small way and then grow out of hand. So stop yourself in all ways and be happily married and happy in your job and family. Brush off the temptations and tell him a big no or threaten him with something which will send a loud and clear message. He may not be taking you seriously and may feel that you will give in one day.