“Do not tolerate violence”- 19 January 2014


Q. I am a constant reader of your article in Hitavada. I am in 10 Std and in few months board exams would get over. I have difficulty in my career selection. I want to go in for IIT but I am also a good author and a poet, and my poetry book is going to be released after sometime. I am also good in general knowledge and won many inter school quizzes. So please help me in my career and stream selection after 10th.

Ans. Career selection is a systematic procedure of knowing your aptitude, your interests and your personality factors. Career is something which needs to be chosen with great thought and planning. Otherwise a wrong choice may lead to unhappiness, waste of time, money and energy. You seem to have many interests and are good in them too. I assume you are confused as to what could be the best choice. This is an age of specialisation and we need to focus on one thing only and all the other interests can only be serious hobbies. A session of counselling with you and your parents would be helpful. Parents have expectations too and many others factors need consideration such as their willingness to allow you for non-traditional careers, their resources and willingness to spend, etc. One option could be to go for IIT and also have poetry and creative writing as a serious hobby. This however needs to be thought out more deeply before you take the plunge. However to begin –you could opt for science in your junior college and then decide further course of action.


Q. I am suffering from a very stressed situation. My husband is getting violent by nature and also very abusive. He gets angry and violent over very silly problems. He is very much concerned about his sisters only, even though they are well settled in their life. He keeps on fighting with me with issues related to them.  He has become obsessive about them. What am I supposed to do I am not able to understand. My in-laws and my parents are of no help to me in this regard as they say I am the one who is wrong. Please help.

Ans. Your marriage seems to be disturbed due to your husband’s violent nature. Abuse and violence is unacceptable in any situation and should not be tolerated at all. You should stop the violence by giving him a warning, threatening him with some consequence or beating him back. Keeping a stick with you and cautioning him about his behaviour should also work. If he does not stop then tell him you will report the matter to the police. Another cause could be that he is mentally disturbed or sick in which case he needs treatment. The reason for his obsession with his sisters is vague. Try to find out what concerns he has for his sisters. They may be using him for their benefit which is not rare. He might be getting manipulated by them. One suggestion would be to come with him for marriage counselling and we would be able to analyse the situation and find the causes for his obsession and violent behaviour.


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