Q. I want some of your help. I am in final year B.Sc. I am jolly, happy kind of person, loves to do masti. But I am very conscious about my-self. I love to live freely but I feel very reserved and not able to talk to some new person or may be whom I know but do not meet in my daily life. I am not able to make friends easily in new environment. Second thing is that my friends say me that I do not answer the questions instantly and take time to think even small things while I do not like when they each time say me the same thing but if that is true what should I do? Thirdly, I sleep properly on time and do not have any sleeping problem but I sometimes feel some stress or pressure in my mind even when there is no tension or problem, I just keep on thinking something -I feel this also the reason why I sometimes behave reserved.
Ans. You may be slightly socially reserved and take time to open out with new people and make friends. This happens to a lot of people who are introverted to some degree but you can improve your social skills with practice. We teach such skills to people who desire it in a few sessions. The second reason could be difficult to judge with the little data that you provide. You could be indulging in excessive thinking of some sort which keeps your mind pre-occupied with your- self and that could slow down your reaction time while discussing with friends. Or again you may be shy and hence taking more time than the others in responding. But the third point again corroborates the point of excessive thinking which may be putting you under stress without having an apparent problem. I would suggest you come for one session of consultation with me before we try to subject your situation to further analysis.
Q. I am a student of D.M.E(Diploma in mechanical Engg). My problem is that since my childhood I had been very shy, I find it very difficult to talk with unknown people or start a conversation with them. I am a person with average intelligence scoring 70-75% marks. During these days campus interviews are going on in our college and I find it very difficult to express myself. As you can see my English is quite ok but when it comes to express something in front of a group of people my mind goes blank. Also during seminar I prepare everything nicely I practice it but when it comes to speak in front of class my mind goes completely blank I feel scared speaking in front of people. If someone asks me something I can write it in English but to speak it in front of group of people becomes difficult for me. I feel I am suffering from some kind of personality disorder. Please help me!
Ans. This is not a personality disorder so just relax your mind! This is also not another or any type of psychological problem. This is a weakness in verbal communication and has something to do with shyness too. Language or communication is written as well as verbal or expressive. You may be good with written language and written communication but may not be as good in verbal language or verbal communication. Shyness can add to the weakness by compounding the problem. But this is an important skill not only for the campus interviews for the purpose of getting selected for a job or placement but also for functioning in a team on the job. Communication of the right sort is the best way to interact with your team, share your ideas in a group and also to influence people and get the work done. People desirous of rising in the ladder of organizations and getting into leadership positions would need to learn the art of verbal communication. We conduct classes for the same all the time. Please contact me for that.
Published in The Hitavada – Emotions column 27 March 2011