“Follow your inclinations”
Q. I am a 28 year old man. My parents are looking for a match for me and I have said no to many already. I am sorry about rejecting girls as it is bad to do so, but I cannot say yes to anyone till now. They are good girls and have education but I don’t know what I want from a girl? Can you help in such matters? I don’t know if you help in such conditions? Is the work of a psychologist to do so? I live outside Nagpur city and will plan a visit if you say so? Please help me madam. My family is annoyed with me and rightly so.
Ans. Yes, as a psychologist anything concerned with the mind, personality and behaviour is our domain. Although we do specialise in some field or the other, an experienced psychologist can help in more ways than one. We need to understand your emotions, beliefs and underlying confusions about marriage. At such a mature age if you have not been able to understand your own mind and what you want from a girl and from marriage, we need to explore that first and reach some clarity. Once you know your underlying thoughts and emotions you will be able to reach a decision about your expectations from marriage and about the type of girl you want for future. Please call my number and fix an appointment before you plan your trip. I promise you that you will enjoy the process of exploration of your mind and the clarity will give you not only relief but happiness.
Q. I am a good student and hard working too. So far I have good marks in all exams. Now my finals are approaching and I am losing my confidence in appearing for the exams. I am a very ‘perfect’ type of person and I want things always my way. If they don’t go the way I like it I get disturbed. Suddenly I am feeling scared and nervous of exams and this fact is disturbing me more and more. What is the matter with me? Am I going crazy or what?
Ans. You seem to have developed symptoms of anxiety and they are interfering with your education. This can happen to anybody and this can be handled and managed well if treated in time. Do not allow this to linger on for it has a tendency to increase if left unattended. You mention an interesting trait of being a ‘perfect’ type of person and this is a troublesome trait for the person who has it and for those who live with you. Please try to take things easy and be a little free in your attitude towards life and things in general. But coming to the fact of your impending exams, you would need to seek counselling and psychotherapy as soon as possible so that it can be checked soon. Fears and anxiety are emotions which could be part of your conscious mind as well as your unconscious mind. It needs to be understood and managed well.
Q. I have developed a inferiority complex in the family. All my brothers and cousins of my family are doing engineering or science and I am the only sister in the entire family and I don’t like science. I get a feeling that I should also do science and do well in making a career like my brothers but I don’t like the subjects of science at all. I am more artistic and like dance and music and drawing and other things. I also like cosmetics and beauty culture and I can help anyone with what to apply at what times. Am I an inferior person to people who do science? People who do science are superior to arts people? I am getting pains in my stomach often and feel depressed too. I am in std 11 and have taken science and am miserable. Please guide me. Please help.
Ans. Please come for an aptitude test and career guidance and planning. Do not suffer at any cost. All branches of education are great and meaningful. Science is not like God or anything. It is not the final word and nor a test of superior intelligence. All disciplines need intelligence but of different type. A scientist cannot do what an artist can do and vice versa. If you love art that’s what you should be doing. You love the field of cosmetics too and that is a great field of work too. You could somehow complete your 12 std and then switch over to the field of choice or take a drop now and re-admit yourself in std 11. Both the choices are open to you. It would be advisable to bring your parents and come and meet me. It is nice to have cousins and brothers who are intelligent and achievers and you could be a shining star too in your own field and in your own right. Once successful everyone will love you and be proud of you!