“Get rid of the anxiety”- 18 January 2015.


Q. I’m a student of class 12, preparing for medical entrance exam. My family environment was quite okay till now but recently while I was looking for some number in my father’s cell phone, he suddenly got an sms from an unsaved number saying ‘ luv u swt drms, gn’ I was shocked. I then looked through the conversation n my father had sent many love msgs to her n she too responded positively. I never imagined my dad having an affair. I him so much n I’m very angry n disturbed about it. How could he do this to us? I have a younger sister and he behaves so nicely with her, I just can’t see her love being betrayed. I can’t talk to anyone about it but I even can’t keep it to myself. He is a doctor, so he would be out for emergency visits but now I think those were lies n I’ve seen their conversations enough to know that they have been meeting quite often. I can’t focus on my studies. I keep thinking what would happen in future, will he leave us? I love and till now he was a great dad to me but now I just can’t look him in the eye n talk to him. Please I don’t want to lose my family. I can’t even think what my mother will go through when she finds out about this. Most importantly my sister, she is d most valuable person in my life n she won’t be able to handle all this. I can’t even come for counselling as I can’t afford to tell anybody, I can’t even talk to Dad about it as I love him too much to see him embarrassed or ashamed in front of me. Please help me n tell me what should I do. I have to be strong for my mom n sis. Please reply.

Ans. It is very nice to know that you are a brave and bold girl and are doing things to protect your family. You worry about your mother, sister and even your father being embarrassed. This sensitivity of yours coupled with courage is a fantastic combination. Keep it up. How to approach your father is a very tricky and sensitive issue as well. Is there an elderly person in the extended family you can trust at a high level who will handle the delicate situation in a mature way? If yes, help can be taken there or else you might mention one day that by mistake you received the call on his mobile and there was a woman calling. Tell her name and ask him politely who the woman is. That would be enough hint for to be alert and cautious. Do not show anger or rancour. If he is sensible he will get the hint and stop the relationship. We only hope it is not to deep and committed in which case he will break it off and stay with the family. Wish for the best.


Q. Recently I feel i have developed fear of dark. Its strange for me. I wasnt afraid of dark before. Iam little worried of it. When i went to get water from the ground floor, at midnight, i suddenly imagined terrible things, like the monsters in movie, or the terrorists pointing gun towards me, it brought down a cold shiver on my whole body. I dont know whats wrong, it is happening to me from some days, before it, this didnt bother me. I think it started when i
got to know about a ragging incident at medical colleges, from my friends, that one was asked to go into morgue room, open the zips of the bags in which corpses are packed, and kiss them, where in one of the bags, there stayed a living person and then he shocked to the one been ragged, by quickly getting up. I think i have taken it quite seriously and im now actually scared of dark, what i wasnt before. Please tell me reason behind this, why is it happening to me? Will i lose it again? And become normal? I hope u understand my problem.

Ans. Fear of dead bodies and other dreaded things like terrorists strike etc are real fears and anyone would feel upset about it. But do not allow this fear to seep deep into your mind. Start praying, exercising, thinking positive and face the challenges. The ragging incident is quite abnormal and would scare anyone who is sane. You could report it to your authorities and I am sure they will take note of it. Ragging is banned in India and stray incidents must be happening due to laxity in the administration. Please check that with a group of classmates and get it out of your system. Otherwise seek counselling from me.


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