“Handle your own problems first”- 27 April 2014

T. K

Q. I am a teenager and I am a frequent writer to you. This time I want to know how to keep mentally tougher. Seeing the current situation of our society I want to be at par with others and concentrate all alone on my studies and my work. You know as a teenager there are many types of distractions and mental and social pressures. I want to win over them. Please tell some tips or concentration tips for a better world for myself.

Ans. First have clear goals of your career and life. Then motivate yourself to achieve them one by one. You could even set short term goals for 3 to 4 months and try to achieve them. Then try to motivate yourself to keep doing your best at all times and keep your mind focused on it. Ignore social pressures and distractions that bother you. This means you have to believe in yourself and your talent and have a positive attitude towards life. Be your best judge and do not allow others to judge you. It is good to listen to feedback from others but not to take them to heart and feel hurt. Give low priority to spending time with friends and chatting on social sites or mobiles. Spend a minimum amount of time with friends and more on your work. Only five percent of your time should be for friends. Try all this.

H. N

Q. I am 18 years old. I am in a committed relationship with a guy. We are in a relation since 1 year. He is seven years older to me and he stays in Delhi. From last 1 year our relation was running smoothly but from few days I am little frustrated from my family and having a stress of my results of 12th. Due to this I am kind of ignoring him and I am not having any feeling to talk with him. He loves me lot and need my care but I can’t able to give him. He is very upset by this kind of behaviour of me. I don’t know how to deal with all this mess going on in my life at one time. I don’t want to spoil this relation at any cost. I need your reply soon.

Ans. This is interesting that the guy who is much senior to you does not understand your school and educational concerns. If he is 25 years old he must be a working adult. He seems to be childish in his demands from you instead of supporting you with your educational and family stress. He should be more understanding which he is not and that is adding to your stress further. Ask for his help and tell him your actual difficulties and if he still does not understand then it is really unfortunate. Try again to explain to him that you need time to concentrate on your own problems and that he should understand. If he does not then stop receiving his calls and let him take care of himself. You focus on your own problems. Not his.

K. M

Q.I am in 12th science. I had a good friend and after some time our friendship broke because of a girl who was also our friend. After that they both use to tease me, betrayed me a lot in tuition and also tried their best to flick me out of my tuition and so I left my tuition. And now also after leaving them they just try their best to spoil my work. Example: in college they tried to spoil my physics practical. And all the time they just stare at me badly. Sometimes I think what kind of people they are, they have no manners, and they find interesting to cheat or betray someone. Sometimes I think innocent people are just killed by them. They hurt people a lot even I got hurt because of them, they interfere in others life. How to just stay away from all these things have frustrated me a lot. Please tell me that how should I handle this situation and make them realize their mistakes because I think it’s impossible to tackle them.
I know these people are meant to be thrown out of our lives but what can we do if they just don’t stop doing these stupid things. These things are also making a bad impact on my studies. Will look forward to a reply soon.

Ans. I would advise you to come and see me once. Take an appointment with my clinic and come and talk it out. You should not feel so much bitterness as you seem to be doing and therefore I need more facts and more details about you and your life. Normally class mates will not try to harm you to that extent.